Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
October 31, 2024, 08:34:11 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Experts share their discoveries
[video]
100
Caretaking - What is it all about?
Margalis Fjelstad, PhD
Blame - why we do it?
Brené Brown, PhD
Family dynamics matter.
Alan Fruzzetti, PhD
A perspective on BPD
Ivan Spielberg, PhD
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
> Topic:
second time around
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: second time around (Read 449 times)
rockwood
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 275
second time around
«
on:
June 19, 2015, 01:57:56 PM »
Years ago I was here, struggling to survive a divorce from my BPDH. Months and months I posted and clawed my way through thanks to the support I found here. I swore no more relationships... .certainly no more cluster b's. I know the red flags by heart. More importantly, I know the consequences. But, here I am.
The pain this time is very different. I'm not panicked or looking to fix things. I'm numb. I'm hopeless. And even though I've faced 3 bouts of cancer without ever uttering these words; I cannot help but ask, "Why me?" What horrible, underlying pathology do I harbor that drags me back here?
Love and compassion to all who are struggling.
Logged
Mike-X
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: living apart
Posts: 669
Re: second time around
«
Reply #1 on:
June 19, 2015, 02:22:40 PM »
Of course it is with mixed thoughts and feelings that I say "welcome back". I believe that "Why me?" is a good question to ask.
In taking my own personal inventory, my thinking is that several of my exes had BPD traits of different degrees. With my ex-uBPDgf, I was somewhat vulnerable when getting with her due to being fairly newly separated from my (now) ex-wife and attention/affection-starved. I also have begun considering my own family of origin (FOO) issues in my search for "why me?" -- parents divorced when I was young and remarried multiple times.
What are your thoughts on possible answers for you?
Logged
rockwood
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 275
Re: second time around
«
Reply #2 on:
June 19, 2015, 02:50:18 PM »
Thank you for your reply. Certainly, I have devoted a lot of time, therapy and introspection to "Why Me?" I come back to the same answer, as does my therapist. My father lost his mother in a house fire at 6. At least, he has narcissistic tendencies. I grew up as Daddy's little girl, because I learned how to handle him. I was... .and still am to a certain extent... .the perfect source of supply for him. I am comfortable in the role.
What is difficult for me is that I was never devalued and discarded by my father. My BPDXH taught me that fine lesson... .and now my fiancé. I am devastated and hopeless that I will ever fall in love with someone who will see me as enough.
Logged
Mike-X
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: living apart
Posts: 669
Re: second time around
«
Reply #3 on:
June 19, 2015, 03:17:41 PM »
Quote from: rockwood on June 19, 2015, 02:50:18 PM
Thank you for your reply. Certainly, I have devoted a lot of time, therapy and introspection to "Why Me?" I come back to the same answer, as does my therapist. My father lost his mother in a house fire at 6. At least, he has narcissistic tendencies. I grew up as Daddy's little girl, because I learned how to handle him. I was... .and still am to a certain extent... .the perfect source of supply for him. I am comfortable in the role.
What is difficult for me is that I was never devalued and discarded by my father. My BPDXH taught me that fine lesson... .and now my fiancé. I am devastated and hopeless that I will ever fall in love with someone who will see me as enough.
Thanks for the reply. I am sorry to hear that your father lost his mother and at such a young age and that you grew up having to learn how to handle his narcissistic tendencies. Have you considered how your relationship with your fiance (and possibly ex) evolved in relation to your own needs that have been met or not met by your father? What about your mother?
Logged
Surg_Bear
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 125
Re: second time around
«
Reply #4 on:
June 19, 2015, 03:25:31 PM »
I'm sorry for your need to return to this forum. You have no idea how much it breaks my heart to read your post.
I wrote a post entitled, "if I leave" which chronicles my doubts of ever escaping the crazy.
I have no words of wisdom to share. I can only say that I, too, am a $h1+ magnet myself.
There are four surgeons in my group. I am the only one who gets crazy women who call 20 times a day, super crazy and unreasonably demanding- and I am the only one who has had to "fire" patients for crossing boundaries. I even have an ex-patient who I fired because she was verbally abusive and lied to get multiple duplicate pain pill prescriptions from me, and ended up being arrested for murdering a close business associate of hers 6 weeks after I fired her from my practice.
I have zero hope that if I leave my marriage I might find someone who can love me for who I am- not what they can get from me.
It's almost as if I have ":)OORMAT" tattooed on my forehead.
I'm so sorry that you have found yourself in another Cluster B relationship. You are living my worst fear, and your story makes me need to focus on making my current relationship tolerable, rather than seeking greener pastures.
I feel sick from this.
Surg_Bear
Logged
rockwood
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 275
Re: second time around
«
Reply #5 on:
June 19, 2015, 05:40:09 PM »
Surg_Bear, I am sorry. I certainly had no intentions of dashing anyone's hopes. Surely there is an escape from Crazytown. I just seem to be stuck on a rotary! I will give you a piece of good advice I refuse to follow... .STOP TAKING CARE OF NEEDY PEOPLE! It may be just that easy.
Mike, I love the initial love bomb. It feels comfortable to me. It's how I was treated when I "performed" well as a child. This time through, I even said to my friends... ."I'm being love-bombed. This guy is throwing up all the flags." But put a girl under a Christmas tree with designer bags, diamonds and a proposal, and guess what? Another heartbreak in the making.
Bad thing is, this time I don't have the emotional reserve to handle it.
Logged
rockwood
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 275
Re: second time around
«
Reply #6 on:
June 19, 2015, 05:44:54 PM »
Sorry, I left out about my Mom. Sweet, deferrential to my ND. Passed away w breast cancer at 49 while he was embroiled in an affair she was aware of... .with her nurse. (My dad was president of the hospital) Mom and I were at odds a lot because of my attachment to Daddy. She was in a no-win situation.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
> Topic:
second time around
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...