I'll have to just walk away one day without warning...

[JohnLove]

She sent another eMail... .Nastiest one yet. Totally unrelated to any sort of objective reality as I experienced it... .I continue to not respond to them. Silly me for reading it... .

I am done. Her emails are abusive, and not just a little. I intend to protect myself from them.

Narcissism at its UGLIEST. Disasociation. Projection. Like you've asserted, nothing to do with any sort of reality or anyone's "truth"... .purely selfish motives. Let me guess. The earlier ones were proclaiming Love. You didn't respond. The "Love" then disappears?... .we both know that isn't Love. That is manipulation. That is sad.

I'm glad for you that you have the self awareness, awareness of your situation, and the intelligence to protect yourself.

[ladylee]

Vodka is like gasoline on a fire in this situation good thing u left. Mine was drinking Vodka too, it really speeded up the downfall of the whole thing. Please take care of yourself, focus on your health, she can figure out what she is going to do without you there now. Sorry you are going through this after such a long commitment, it is  so disheartening to see a loved one suffer and hurt you in the process. We are powerless over them, but not ourselves. It takes time, but we get on our feet slowly.

[kc sunshine]

At the end of our relationship, my ex was drinking very regularly and it was awful too. She didn't even have to drink that much for it to have a big impact on her behavior (just a beer, or maybe even half a beer!) The worst.

Vodka is like gasoline on a fire in this situation good thing u left. Mine was drinking Vodka too, it really speeded up the downfall of the whole thing. Please take care of yourself, focus on your health, she can figure out what she is going to do without you there now. Sorry you are going through this after such a long commitment, it is  so disheartening to see a loved one suffer and hurt you in the process. We are powerless over them, but not ourselves. It takes time, but we get on our feet slowly.

[13YearGoodbye]

We couldn't even talk about what to have for supper without her, becoming dysregulated, flying into a rage, and saying mean abusive things. If I were to contact her, it would be akin to throwing gasoline onto a fire. I'm pretty sure that no good could come from it. Not to her, not to her adult kids, and especially not to me. I asked for years for her to moderate her behavior. Nothing has been left unsaid. She knows, as well as I do, why I am not living with her anymore, and why I left without saying goodbye. I left immediately after one of the nastiest rages she ever subjected me to. As ill as she is, I think that she should be able to understand that. But what do I know... .I think it should be possible to talk about what to cook for supper without dysregulation rages.

I have no current desires that she modify her behavior. She can do anything that she'd like. I'm choosing to not associate with a falling down drunk mentally ill woman. I got along passably with the mental illness for 13 years. She was that way when I met her, so I figured that I had to endure the consequences of my choices. However, 32 ounces of vodka per day on top of the mental illness was more than I was willing to endure.

As far as I can discern, I'm not giving my X the silent treatment... .Just like I am not giving a telemarketer the silent treatment when I don't answer the phone. Neither one is part of my life. I feel no obligation to respond to either one.

For what it's worth, I am a man. Strong enough, and capable enough to say no-more to someone that abused me for 13 years.  And I was a man for 13 years, strong enough and capable enough to stay with an abusive mentally ill woman long enough to raise her kids for her.

---

In other news. I am feeling great. Sleeping peacefully at night. Awakening refreshed instead of run down. I am at the lowest weight I've been in decades. I attended a gathering the other day, and about 8 people came up to me and commented about how great I'm looking these days.

[apollotech]

In other news. I am feeling great. Sleeping peacefully at night. Awakening refreshed instead of run down. I am at the lowest weight I've been in decades. I attended a gathering the other day, and about 8 people came up to me and commented about how great I'm looking these days.

Great news 13! Keep up the good work!

[13YearGoodbye]

It's been 14.5 months since I left my long-term partner who suffers from BPD and alcoholism.

It continues to be a peaceful life for me. Some of her adult kids are back in my life.

I have been getting to know new friends, and getting reacquainted with old friends. It's been beautiful. So much peace and contentment about those relationships.

One of my friends thinks that she has BPD. I agree with her. We contracted with each other at the beginning we wouldn't have a romantic relationship. We're sticking to that. We practice good relationship techniques on each other. I watch her blow up one relationship after another. We discuss what's going on in my life, and in hers. The blunt honesty that we have agreed on is very refreshing. Having strong boundaries is refreshing.  It's delightful to me to be dispassionate about her problems. To not rescue. To let them be her problems. And to simply watch as things unfold. It's nice to validate and have it accepted for what it is. I'm getting very good at 'radical acceptance'. The skills I am learning are readily applicable to other relationships in which I might consider a romance. I spent years studying borderline personality and trying to use what I learned to help myself and my lover. It's nice that those skills were not totally wasted after I moved on.

 

[Frodo]

13YearGoodbye,

I am new here but I have already seen several reminders on bpdfamily not to advise someone what to do or judge someone who is sharing their story.

I support your decision to do what serves you best. Contact or don't contact her, it is completely up to you as she is not your responsibility anymore. If she wanted the relationship to work she had 13 years, after all. You need your energy for you and your healing. You get to decide what is the right thing for you to do, for you first!

I appreciate your story of how you are rebuilding your life, I have empathy for you as I do myself now. Yes the simple things like meals without trauma!

Frodo