Buying a home and it's stressful

[Cloudy Days]

Ok, so far we have been waiting on loan approval to get this house. My husband found another house he likes more, talked about backing out of this house before even seeing the other house. The other house already has offers, my husband is nit picking anything and everything about the home we made an offer on and weeks away from closing on. Just got word that I am approved for the loan, just waiting on something from my landlord to make it official. My birthday is Saturday, I was thinking this was a nice thing to celebrate along with my birthday. My husband is making it into a nightmare. His plans for this garage, which I agree we need to build keep getting larger and more expensive. It has went from a two car garage to a three car garage, a gravel floor to a concrete floor. We can't even agree on where to put it. I have told him we just need to move in and see where the best place would be to put it and then plan it out. We need to live there before we make concrete decisions. All he does is obsess about it and worry about it and worry about every possibility that could go wrong no matter how far in the future it is. It is insanity at it's best.

Then my Birthday, I asked to go to an amusement park for my birthday, his mother offered to buy the tickets. She bought them, we can use them on any day, my husband wants to wait till it gets warmer so we can swim. I'm thinking, this is my birthday present, I wanted to go ON my birthday, why are you trying to take this away from me? He already gave me a gift weeks ago, he's not good about planning. That's been thrown in my face several times, that he spent so much money on it, I didn't tell him what to buy he chose to buy it. So the gift has been tainted as it is. Also why is it that he only chooses to talk to me about these things at 10:00 at night when I am about to go to bed. It's like clockwork, as soon as it starts to get too late to start a conversation about serious issues, he starts one. Then gets pissed off when I excuse myself to go to bed because he is sitting there silently brooding and there nothing beneficial going to come from the conversation at that point. 

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Grey Kitty]

  Sounds like your H is being difficult about your birthday, difficult about the house, and difficult about communicating with you.

And YOU are doing a fantastic job of enforcing boundaries and minimizing the impact.

The house purchase is moving forward.

You can do the garage after you have the house, and set a budget of what you are willing/able to spend on it.

And not having late night circular arguments is fantastic!

 Sorry 'bout the birthday though. Seems like pwBPD just can't handle holidays without making a mess.

[Cloudy Days]

Not really doing a great job, just trying my best. I don't know how many times I have started crying because of the stress he pours on with his endless list of worries that don't exist. I really want to say, you must be extremely miserable to think that all these things will make you happy. None of it will make him happy. Ever since he went and visited with his cousin who had a beautiful house he has not wanted this home. He's only worried about what other people think is what I see.

[Cloudy Days]

Wanted to say thank you all for the support. Me and my husband successfully moved into our new home and since we have gotten away from it all things have been pretty darn good. So good I haven't even needed to get on this site  I really think my husband needed to get away from neighbors so he could go outside and enjoy life. We have an acre of grapes, some fruit trees and just got our garden fully planted this weekend. All with some super enjoyable team work. I am really happy and thankful for my husband, he has been super helpful and super supportive with everything. I think him not working really took a toll on him and now that he has a home that he can take pride in fixing up and taking care of he has something to feel proud of. I am super proud of him too   

[Stalwart]

Great job Cloudy.

I guess that's what dancing in the rain is all about and you did a darn great job of weathering it out to find the sunshine girl. Looks great on you and I hope you both enjoy every minute of it.

[ThanksForPlaying]

Thanks for posting this follow-up!  It will be very helpful to a lot of people searching this board.  As difficult as BPD can be to deal with, we often get an even more negative bias on the board because those who are successfully navigating their relationships don't come back to post until it gets bad again.  Thank you!

[Cloudy Days]

Thanks for posting this follow-up!  It will be very helpful to a lot of people searching this board.  As difficult as BPD can be to deal with, we often get an even more negative bias on the board because those who are successfully navigating their relationships don't come back to post until it gets bad again.  Thank you!

This was my thought when I posted the update. Things are not perfect but they are better than I could ever imagine. All the problem we are having now have nothing to do with his BPD and are just regular old, normal people problems... . It's funny that I would be happy about that. I'm stressed to the max but my husband is actually being supportive rather than a nightmare  . And it has lasted for several months now!