Does it seem like my ex has BPD?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hello, I have posted here before recently due to a recent breakup I have had. I'm doing my best to get over her, but one question keeps popping in my mind ":)id she have BPD"? I want someone with a clear head to tell me.

When we first starting dating she opened up to me really fast. She told me she was abused. A week later after a date I asked her if she liked me and she told me of course. A day later she told me that dating was for marriage and that she would never marry me. I asked her what changed from yesterday and she ended up listing my bad qualities that she already knew I had. I ended up getting blocked and she broke up with me.

I had her book at the time and I made a new twitter to tell her that I was going to leave her book at her door and never contact her again. A day after I left her book she texted me pissed off, telling me how expensive the book was (it was $10 on Amazon), and how much it meant to her. (before she blocked me she told me she didn’t care about the book). I ended up telling her she is acting like she is bipolar, and that I was just trying to give her book back. She ended up saying sorry, and that she knows she is broken. And if so, was her feelings all fake?

A week later she texted me again saying she was sorry and she wanted to see me before she went on a trip for the summer. We ended up seeing each other and we texted for about a few weeks after that. She continued to open up to me about her abuse. One time she got angry at me for not telling her I missed her. She said her mom locked her in the basement for days. She also told me that her previous boyfriend broke her heart and that she had to delete her whole facebook because she kept getting reminded of him. A while later we decided we want to actually become a couple. At this point she is telling me I am perfect and that nobody has ever been that nice to her before. We begin to skype, watch shows in sync, talk, and sext for about a month. At this point she was extremely horny and told me that she masturbated up to 6 times a day. Eventually she told me she wanted to marry me, and she began to discuss our future together. We planned trips, made goals, etc. Then she sent me an “Ownership contract”. Where she wanted me to own her.

So fast forward a bit and she asked me if her looking at this “cute guy” would be considered cheating, I told her not and I really don’t mind. Later that day I told her I really missed her and she got angry and told me that she was really stressed out and she can’t be worried about me. Then she gave me a speech that wanted to feel like she was in a normal relationship, and to pretend we are even though we are “so far ahead of everybody else”. I asked her to explain more and she said that she didn’t care how I felt and that I should keep things like that to myself. I get really angry and send a hateful text and she says she is sorry and everything seemed fine. The next day she ignores me for 24 hours and when she texts me she says I broke her trust and it’s going to be hard for her to trust her again. Previously I got mad at her and it upset her and I promised I wouldn’t do that again, so that kind of makes sense. After I apologize I ask for her trust again, and she says no. During that week she tells me that we went too fast and she doesn’t want to marry me anymore, I’m just like okay. We then have an argument about something, but I can’t remember what it was about, it ended up with her telling me that I am acting like I am acting like a menstruating middle schooler, she is breaking up, and she ignores me for 2 days. She then texts me back saying she loves me and she doesn’t know what to do. She then tells me that her friends think I am insane and that she has been sharing our texts the entire time. A couple days later I was still bothered by this and I gave her an ultimatum to respect and trust me, or I am going to leave… because my grades were dropping and I was stressed to my limit. She ends up telling me goodbye and I tell her that I didn’t want to break up and I of course get blocked again.

About 2 weeks later, after I end up changing our playlist name we made on Spotify to “go ruin someone elses life”, she adds a new playlist and calls it “my new boyfriend” and fills it full of love songs, she also follows someone elses “new girlfriend playlist”. So I imagine she got a new boyfriend while she was still in another state, which is confusing.

For the first couple of weeks I thought I was 100% at fault, but now I think that she have had more issues than I thought. Is her actions consistent of BPD?

And if so, was her feelings all fake?

[Schermarhorn]

Hello, I have posted here before recently due to a recent breakup I have had. I'm doing my best to get over her, but one question keeps popping in my mind ":)id she have BPD"? I want someone with a clear head to tell me.

When we first starting dating she opened up to me really fast. She told me she was abused. A week later after a date I asked her if she liked me and she told me of course. A day later she told me that dating was for marriage and that she would never marry me. I asked her what changed from yesterday and she ended up listing my bad qualities that she already knew I had. I ended up getting blocked and she broke up with me.

I had her book at the time and I made a new twitter to tell her that I was going to leave her book at her door and never contact her again. A day after I left her book she texted me pissed off, telling me how expensive the book was (it was $10 on Amazon), and how much it meant to her. (before she blocked me she told me she didn’t care about the book). I ended up telling her she is acting like she is bipolar, and that I was just trying to give her book back. She ended up saying sorry, and that she knows she is broken. And if so, was her feelings all fake?

A week later she texted me again saying she was sorry and she wanted to see me before she went on a trip for the summer. We ended up seeing each other and we texted for about a few weeks after that. She continued to open up to me about her abuse. One time she got angry at me for not telling her I missed her. She said her mom locked her in the basement for days. She also told me that her previous boyfriend broke her heart and that she had to delete her whole facebook because she kept getting reminded of him. A while later we decided we want to actually become a couple. At this point she is telling me I am perfect and that nobody has ever been that nice to her before. We begin to skype, watch shows in sync, talk, and sext for about a month. At this point she was extremely horny and told me that she masturbated up to 6 times a day. Eventually she told me she wanted to marry me, and she began to discuss our future together. We planned trips, made goals, etc. Then she sent me an “Ownership contract”. Where she wanted me to own her.

So fast forward a bit and she asked me if her looking at this “cute guy” would be considered cheating, I told her not and I really don’t mind. Later that day I told her I really missed her and she got angry and told me that she was really stressed out and she can’t be worried about me. Then she gave me a speech that wanted to feel like she was in a normal relationship, and to pretend we are even though we are “so far ahead of everybody else”. I asked her to explain more and she said that she didn’t care how I felt and that I should keep things like that to myself. I get really angry and send a hateful text and she says she is sorry and everything seemed fine. The next day she ignores me for 24 hours and when she texts me she says I broke her trust and it’s going to be hard for her to trust her again. Previously I got mad at her and it upset her and I promised I wouldn’t do that again, so that kind of makes sense. After I apologize I ask for her trust again, and she says no. During that week she tells me that we went too fast and she doesn’t want to marry me anymore, I’m just like okay. We then have an argument about something, but I can’t remember what it was about, it ended up with her telling me that I am acting like I am acting like a menstruating middle schooler, she is breaking up, and she ignores me for 2 days. She then texts me back saying she loves me and she doesn’t know what to do. She then tells me that her friends think I am insane and that she has been sharing our texts the entire time. A couple days later I was still bothered by this and I gave her an ultimatum to respect and trust me, or I am going to leave… because my grades were dropping and I was stressed to my limit. She ends up telling me goodbye and I tell her that I didn’t want to break up and I of course get blocked again.

About 2 weeks later, after I end up changing our playlist name we made on Spotify to “go ruin someone elses life”, she adds a new playlist and calls it “my new boyfriend” and fills it full of love songs, she also follows someone elses “new girlfriend playlist”. So I imagine she got a new boyfriend while she was still in another state, which is confusing.

For the first couple of weeks I thought I was 100% at fault, but now I think that she have had more issues than I thought. Is her actions consistent of BPD?

And if so, was her feelings all fake?

[Schermarhorn]

I would also like to mention that when I tried to contact her after she blocked me and before the Spotify playlists, she said this.

"Leave me alone. This is harassment so stop!". Then  after I ignored her for a few minutes she wrote "I need you to tell me you understand". Then I just said Yes she responded with ":)o not get get your hopes up that we will get back together when I get back. Don't expect another message from me.".

Wouldn't if she had BPD, she would've refused to contact me at all after the block?

[chill1986]

Not sure if it's BPD but sounds like she has a personality disorder. I couldn't be sure what my ex has, but I know I did nothing wrong and it was the illness that ended us, not me.

One thing I've been told and has stuck in my mind is not to try and apply logic to the actions of a person with a PD.

[apollotech]

Wouldn't if she had BPD, she would've refused to contact me at all after the block?

Hi nonya,

I don't know if your friend has BPD or not, but I will say that she seems very immature, self-centered, and mentally/emotionally unhealthy. Does her behavior warrant a long-term commitment from you?

Your reasoning above is generally just the opposite of what occurs with a pwBPD. When a relationship ends and abandonment sets in with the pwBPD, they will, many times, attempt to re-establish contact. That scenario is posted all over these boards.

Take care of yourself in all of this.

[Schermarhorn]

Wouldn't if she had BPD, she would've refused to contact me at all after the block?

Hi nonya,

I don't know if your friend has BPD or not, but I will say that she seems very immature, self-centered, and mentally/emotionally unhealthy. Does her behavior warrant a long-term commitment from you?

Your reasoning above is generally just the opposite of what occurs with a pwBPD. When a relationship ends and abandonment sets in with the pwBPD, they will, many times, attempt to re-establish contact. That scenario is posted all over these boards.

Take care of yourself in all of this.

I actually just remembered something she asked me early on. She asked "If two guys were going to rape me and beat us both to death and you had a gun with a single bullet and there was no way of getting out of it, what would you do?"

I said that I would shoot her and she said that was the correct answer and that her exes all said they would shoot one with the gun. Which seemed really weird. She had like 6 exes and not a single one said that? From what I have read, they play games like that to make you feel special.

Anyways, at this point if I know she has it, she can't hurt me. Its like a child, if they start calling you names are you going to get offended?