I am curious how many nons here have had their BPD partner leave them only to come back?
A few times. The "breakup" lasting 1-2 hours.
If so, who initiated the comeback? I get the feeling from a lot of us who were left that we kind of have that "The ball is in their court" mentality.
Yes, she did. I took her back obviously because I loved her and I understood why she had done it.
We have now reached an agreement for no more "panic break ups" but well communicated "need for space".
I'm just curious after reading how many people are in long marriages.
What I'm curious to know from those in long marriages is why pw/BPD stay. I mean, past all the breakups, the fears, the dysfunctional dynamics, the hurt, the co-dependencies, etc. Is it really because of love, or security, or attachment? Or back to square one = Fear? Or is it because chaos feels "normal"? Or because their condition improves and so does the relationship?
My relationship with my BPDex was only 2 years when she out of nowhere told me to leave, and then acted as if I left her.
It happened to me too. She broke up out of nowhere. I said I understood things weren't easy for her and respected if she wanted out. Then she accused me for letting her down. It obviously wasn't over at all... .
Today my mindset is that I love her, I'm happy and therefore I'm staying.
BUT
I can't be in a relationship with someone who lies, cheats, commits abuse, etc. Because I value Integrity, Loyalty, Honesty, Growing together, etc.
SO
If she breaks up because she is overwhelmed, or feels trapped, etc.
SHE is leaving = HER decision = HER responsibility
If I ever break up because ie: "she cheats".
She knows I can't be in a relationship with someone who cheats = HER decision to cheat = HER responsibility for loosing me
And if she ever tells me out of the blue to leave I'll say "No. I'm staying. YOU leave"