Has BPD family Member turned others against you?

[Parents! Get help here!]

My BPD daughter is notorious for this and just wondering what others have done about it? I feel I have lost half my family due to my daughter's powerful manipulation. I realize we cannot do anything about how one perceives us and each individual person has their own perception but I do find it very hard to deal with when my BPS is working constantly to destroy me to other family members.

[AVR1962]

My BPD daughter is notorious for this and just wondering what others have done about it? I feel I have lost half my family due to my daughter's powerful manipulation. I realize we cannot do anything about how one perceives us and each individual person has their own perception but I do find it very hard to deal with when my BPS is working constantly to destroy me to other family members.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[going places]

Yes, I am in that situation right now.

There is nothing I can do about... .

She spins her reality (lies) and twists people to take her side; and if they do not come to her side and believe her words? She cuts them down, and if they 'see thru' her game... .and call her out?

She cuts them off.

Won't speak to them, blocks them on social media, etc.

Right now she will not speak to her own brother and sister... .because they lived here too and saw what she did... .they know truth. And that messes with 'the reality she has fabricated in her head'... .so she shuts them out... .

It's horrible.

I am so sorry you are going thru this.

[thefixermom]

My DD tried that... .called or met with virtually everyone in my family to tell them about the "real" me and how evil I am and how only she truly knows what horrible things I am capable of.  It did not work. They all saw through it, having grown up and lived with me, they knew me better, plus they'd seen the things she'd done and experienced her rages and blaming attitude.  So now she estranges herself from the family and tells me, "You won. You succeeded in your plan to make them all choose you over me."  (what a projection, huh) It is so mystifying since all that I or anyone else in the family tried to do was help her and include her.  She has, however, been able to get others who do not know me well, to think I am a horrible depraved mother out to ruin her life.  She has a wonderful sweet and fun personality so when she turns on the tears and tells her story of alternate reality to people who do not know me, they buy it hook, line and sinker.  

PS, pretty sure my DD has even wired herself electronically to record our conversations and then edit them on the computer (she's very good with at that) to play for people to say, "See? It's true!"  How do I know this?  Because she accused me of doing it on a regular basis! Such a thought never occurred to me.   I have learned over the years that I can know her antics by listening to what she accuses me of out of the blue. 

[stepmomma]

Yes. My step-daughter does this. Right now she has convinced my mother-in-law how horrible her dad is and that it is his fault that she has made so many bad decisions. Her grandmother now feels so guilty for everything she wants to have her move in with her so she can help her. It has resulted in some fights with my husband and his mom. It is very painful for my husband because he has always had a close relationship with his parents and He doesn't understand why his mom won't trust him. My step-daughter is a great manipulator. It is very discouraging when we are already dealing with her behavior and learning how to deal with BPD and then to throw this in the mix it is heart breaking.

[Aroundtheblock]

So, I always describe this like a soap opera.  The evil person turns everyone against the innocent person and the evil person gets the glory and sympathy.  You get the dirty looks.

I have a BPD SD and I hated going to her school.  That faculty has to think we are totally dysfunctional.  Family members too!  BPD's stories were dangerous, she claimed abuse.  An investigator visited and dropped everything immediately.  Now there is documented history to back me up... .she has been hospitalized, sent to rehabs and went to jail already... .she is only 19.  Her boyfriends all threaten suicide, one succeeded.  She has no real friends. 

One sure thing... .IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME.  People will see the truth.  It might take some time.  I was in self defense mode for years.  Just recently, BPD got angry, she pulled her same stunts while visiting here.  She lives with Aunt in another state.  She thought her chances would be ruined in returning to Aunt that she text me "forbidding" me to ever talk with her Aunt again.  It was a matter of an hour of that text... .the Aunt called me.  BPD SD was telling Aunt not to listen to me.  She dug her own grave.  I didn't have to say a word.

It really was a nightmare before everyone learned the truth.  I feel your pain.  It is extremely damaging.

[Kate4queen]

Yes, my son is so charming and courageous and charismatic that we spent years being given filthy looks, being blamed for things we'd apparently done until my son finally walked out on us and found a family we thought we knew quite well to take him in and care for him.

But what I have found is that eventually the gilt wears off the gingerbread and my son shows who he really is and then moved on to a new group of people and so it goes on.

I've given up defending myself even to family members because if they don't choose to believe me then they are likely to be the next one he'll be calling and eventually they will work it out for themselves.

[Ohiomom89]

   Yes, after 6 years and we are trying some "tough love" now comes the social media smear campaign making us appear horrible.  If people only knew the thousands $$$$$ just out the window and 2 a.m. hospital calls/drives and everything WE have been through, as well... .but no, people will only see/hear one side.  That's OK though;  we know what we've done.  And anyone who truly knows us knows also.  The rest don't matter.  So glad we got off all social media several months ago, we had to, I never understood making private family matters so public like some people do, or looking at vacation photos of friends and all their adult kids are doing, and I feel stuck on a treadmill, having to run faster and faster, but getting further and further from any destination. 

[whiplashed_mom]

Yes. Newish dil turned son against us, and now others. Estranged.

[Aroundtheblock]

I'm the stepmom and BPD SD has actually managed to turn her father against me.  I actually wrote a post about it a few days ago... .It is Husband that is adult, knows full well what she is capable of and still managed.

Husband and I got in a fight, nothing to do with her... .she comes for a visit and she loves daddy attention, she loves the one on one and now it has exploded!  I've kicked both out of my home.  Younger step daughter is here with me, she gets a call from her BPD sister today who tries telling her that I'm manipulating younger daughter... .!  I'm the psycho who is unreasonable... .     Just to fill you in.  Daddy started sharing liquor with BPD stepdaughter and sleeping in same room together night after night.  I stayed quiet for a very long time... .then exploded.

BPD Stepdaughter leaves on Saturday... .I see her as a little devil on his shoulder that keeps feeding him... .I've watched the master at work. 

Manipulation is a very dangerous gift.  Its a very strong power of persuasion and can and will ruin relationships.