so proud of her

[tristesse]

so most everybody knows what a struggle I have had with BPD DD31, it has been very overwhelming and all consuming for a very long time. but not so much today,

We had a houseguest last week( my father in law ) came for 10 days.

6 months ago, my DD would have been out of control and raging in anticipation of the change in routine. This was not the case now. She was slightly edgy for 3 days prior to his arrival, but not bad, just a little edgy, she maintained control with no intervention.

During the 10 day stay, she did beautifully, there were no upsets and no raging, she was able to fully engage in all family gatherings and functions.

We did have 1 evening where she was a little out of sorts and during dinner she was visibly struggling with emotions, but she handled herself so well, she simply looked at me and said , can I go eat in my room tonight? I nodded in agreement, she excused herself from the table and went to her room for the remainder of the evening.

This was a huge accomplishment, even more so because she was able to tell me later what she had been feeling. She said she started to feel angry with

me, she didn't know why, but that the anger was building inside her and she wanted to punch me at that moment.

I know to some that will sound horrible, but to me it sounded like great progress, she kept her anger in check and was able  to communicate her feelings verbally with no rage.

I have such high hopes for her continued progress, and happiness, but today I am just going to bask in the glory of her new found self control.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

This is so wonderful tristesse,  you did well too... .

Not pushing her by asking "why?"

Not demanding she suck it up and stay with the family.

Noticing her emotional temperature rising.

Giving her space to deal with it herself.

Listening when she was able to talk about her feelings.

Not reacting to her feelings of wanting to harming you.

[Kwamina]

Hi tristesse

We did have 1 evening where she was a little out of sorts and during dinner she was visibly struggling with emotions, but she handled herself so well, she simply looked at me and said , can I go eat in my room tonight? I nodded in agreement, she excused herself from the table and went to her room for the remainder of the evening.

This was a huge accomplishment, even more so because she was able to tell me later what she had been feeling. She said she started to feel angry with

me, she didn't know why, but that the anger was building inside her and she wanted to punch me at that moment.

I know to some that will sound horrible, but to me it sounded like great progress, she kept her anger in check and was able  to communicate her feelings verbally with no rage.

This is awesome! Very impressive that your daughter was able to notice early on what was going on inside of her and instead of reacting (self)-destructively to it, found another way to deal with her emotions She was even able to communicate about the experience to you!

I agree with lbjnltx that the way you responded to her was also very important in preventing the situation from getting out of hand

[tristesse]

Thank you Kawamina and lbjnltx.

It has definitely been a learning curve and experience for both of us, but I share none of the glory in her accomplishment. She has worked hard and struggled and fought to understand herself for so many years, that I could never take away any of her progress by promoting my own. I appreciate your kind words, and I want to let everybody know, change is possible.

[DisneyMom]

I think your DD did great! I don't even know her, and I'm proud of her too. She seems very self-aware of her emotions building in intensity.

Good for you for recognizing when it good for her to take that step away from the group.

I would give her a hug and let her know she did really well with a challenging situation.