just moved in with partner after 1 year relationship. Now he's mean or sweet.

[lost53]

I'm shocked I never saw Mr. Hyde before. Started when I moved in. Flips on a dime. Says that's what I do. I set him off. Verbally abusive. No off button while enraged. Next day, I take everything too seriously. He was just messing with me because it's so easy. Then later it's my fault and every night I start. Stuff again... Knowing abuse cycles... unfortunately. I'll get a little flower on my nightstand. He will take me to look at finches. Promise me as soon as we can we'll get a pair. Loving to animals. Wolfe spiders all around this place. Won't dare kill one. Hates change! Like a hoarder. Don't move that! Don't throw food away unless he checks it out. I apparently need permission. He grew up poor. How dare I. Yet he'll leave dinner out because someone will eat it! I did grow up poor as well. Never wasted food. I feel like a child. Have to ask permission for such things! Ate you kidding! Obviously there's more. I left the city behind to come here. With a young teenage boy. What a nightmare when he flips. I'm bipolar. I take my meds. See therapist weekly. I refuse not to be my best. Not typical I know. He blames a LOT of his mood swings on me. Yells to me, have you taken your meds! Investigating online. I'm devastated by BPD. I'm familiar with it... no treatment for him.

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[flowerpath]

Hi, lost53.

Welcome to BPD Family.  You've come to a good place.  A lot of us here have similar experiences.  The way that the mean side comes out so unexpectedly is what threw me off for a long time. 

The lessons and the advice I receive here are incredibly helpful to me.  The lessons to the right -> are a great place to start to help you understand what is going on, and help you learn what you can do to improve the quality of life in your home.   

[Ceruleanblue]

I was once in a situation a lot like you are facing now. I'd moved to be with a man, and he turned out to be horrid. He was actually worse than BPD, if you can imagine. It ended with him going to jail, after I'd found out he'd previously been to prison. Right now, it sounds like you are doing all you can in the situation you've found yourself in.

What does your therapist advise? The tools on the right of this page can be very helpful. I've modified a few to suit our situation, as I've found out what works and what doesn't. People on here are good to offer advice too.

Keep posting if that helps. You are not alone.