H BPD'a parent wants to visit us

[Thread]

I am a little torn on how I feel about my h BPD's dad who I was just informed wants to visit in November. We own our own business, but I do a lot of work from home.

Background on the H BPD's immediate family:

Mom is possibly in DBT therapy.

Mom and dad both majorly depressed.

All family members lack normal social abilities.

They all work from home for themselves.

Mom wasn't really nice to me until we got married.

Brother told mom she had to talk to us about living together and not being married (we were 26 and 28 years old at the time.)

Sister had never been nice to me, my assumption was she was into

Fashion but over weight and I am especially at that time pretty thin (I get skinny from stress, more healthy when happy) it's hard for me too keep 100lbs

Both sister and mom when they first met me looked me up and down and looked at each other and rolled their eyes

When BPD H started his dysregulations, I asked for help, all the family blamed me, asked what I was doing wrong, gave me religious books on the wife's role in the marriage.

When he threatened suicude they didn't really help at all again blaming me

"He's just acting like that because he's worried about you"

He refused therapy, again it was somehow okay but still my fault

When i told them he was diagnosed with BPD no one believes me, ask me why I'm

Not doing traditional marriage counseling - attack me about my refusal for traditional therapy (even though my therapist told me not to because it's not helpful w a peroson w BPD)

When he has his tantrums, I find text messages and emails saying you have a place to stay when you move home, or them blaming me like what is she doing this time?

Often my BPD h is over-exaggerating or only telling half the story. Not the part where I ask him to stop and he keeps being irrational and emotionally abusive.

I told the brother how he yells f bombs at me and has screamed that I was b___, his brother "that's not that big of a deal." I asked if he's ever done that to his wife (them being very religious) he had no comment.

How do I deal with the Inlaw father wanting to visit?

My comment today was that's good for you, but I work from home a lot. And that's a I could think to say.

I don't know how to deal with this situation! I hate confrontation. I have serious issues with boundaries and yes I'm slowing working on this weekly in therapy.

[Aussie0zborn]

I can't offer any advice as it seems the whole family is dysfunctional.

One thing that stood out for me was the mother and sister looking you up and down on the first meeting and then looking at each other rolling their eyes. Totally abusive. Who the f--k do they think they are? If I knew what I know now about the importance of your spouse's FOO, I would never have married my first wife 28 years ago and would have run fast.

You do say you are not good at setting boundaries, This is very very important. Try it... .be firm but fair and you will feel a great sense of relief once you have done it. Be a force to be reckoned with. I am sure others will be able to suggest coping strategies. Good luck.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey hanging, Seems like you need an alternative workplace during your father-in-law's visit.  Or maybe an alternative residence?  Try to think about what will work best for you.  LuckyJim