Some have asked... .so here is the quick story.

The "agreement" was that I was going to have family time... .just wife and my kids... nobody else.

So... I got home from working on the car (garage not on our property) and figure out that the kid is spending the nigh that my wife "moved in" to the house.  My wife fancies herself to be a savior of "wounded" kids

I don't mention it... don't react. 

We go to church the next morning (including the kid)... .I put in some extra effort to make sure we all go in one vehicle (big 15 pax van).

After church we load up and are discussing lunch options as I drive to this kids house.  Couple kids are confused... .

":)addy where are we going... .?"

As I pull up to his house I say... ."We're dropping (kids name) off... ."

Kids act like they can't hear... .

Wife says ":)addy wants to drop (kids name) off... "

I pull up... .kids gets out... .

Wife looks cross for few minutes... .

We spent next couple days doing things "as a family" with no outsiders... .

My "tactic" was to get rid of him with minimum drama... .

No "discussions"

FF

Wow, glad that worked for you. That would have set my husband off big time. It's such a learning process, trying to gauge what will work, and I think a lot of that comes over time. I keep feeling like I just have to find the "key" to learning how to deal with what will/won't set off BPDh.

It would be easier if he'd just start having more self control, but I can't and won't depend on that. I need to figure out the most effective ways to deal with MY spouse.

Formflier, how long did it take for you to get to where you are now? I've been married three years, and only a few good months among those years, and those were just recent. Now we seems to be nosediving towards the earth again... .

FF, i LOVE it! i hope the rest of your day was your family.

It's been top notch... .