Hi lunabelle
Welcome to bpdfamily
Could you tell us a bit more about your son? Do you believe he has BPD and if so, what would you say are his most difficult or troubling behaviors?
As far as communicating with your son, there are certain tools described on this website that might be of help to you, I've selected the following two for you:
Communication Skills - ValidationEnding the Cycle of ConflictHere are some excerpts:
Nowhere is the communication skill of validation more important than in interfacing with highly sensitive individuals, individuals with low self esteem or individuals who are easily intimidated. This is a very valuable tool for dealing with people with Borderline Personality Disorder.
To validate someone's feelings is first to accept someone's feelings - and then to understand them - and finally to nurture them. To validate is to acknowledge and accept a person. Invalidation, on the other hand, is to reject, ignore, or judge.
Validation of feelings is vital to connecting with others.
Before your can make things better, you have to stop making them worse.
Someone has to be first. This means generating the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are destructive to the relationship.