Newest dilemma

[understandnow]

My uBPD son with narcistic traits has a child I am extremely involved with.  He is being investigated for domestic and sexual molestation.  Her mother is  going to court for an emergency exparte to change his visitation.  My husband and I both agree she needs one because we have witnessed emotional abuse and my granddaughter told us of a domestic violence issue.  she is 12 and was about 10 at the time.   The dilemma is my husband offered to take her and pay for it without agreement from me.  I know she will want me to testify on her behalf.  I know the best thing for the child is supervised visitation but that will be the end to my son's relationship with us because he will see it as betrayal on our part.  Can anyone give suggestions?  On anyone have experience in this matter?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[twojaybirds]

wow I am sorry you are I the position.

There are those times we must make decision that are extremely difficult.   If you believe supervised visits are important your grandchild I would recommend that is asked.  Do not make it about your son , but about the grandchild. 

I do not know but perhaps you could meet with the judge or  whomever in private avoiding a public testimony.

Best of luck and keep us posted!

Judy

[meantcorn34]

I'm so sorry you're in such a difficult position. I think your grandchild 's wellbeing has to be the most important thing. If you don't act and your son molests her, how would you feel? Changing visitation while the situation gets sorted out is necessary and will protect your son from further allegations.

Best of luck to you.

[understandnow]

The molestation supposedly happened 12 yrs ago to my granddaughters half sister when he was living with his ex.  The issue of domestic violence and emotional abuse is what I am more worried about.  She was 12 in April.  She is so fearful of my Dil who has threatened her emotionally on so many different occasion.  My grand daughter has told me on so many occasions and pleaded me not to tell them because she will be in trouble.

Talking to a judge in private is a great idea.  Has anyone done this and is it possible?