Help and Advice please

[Superteen52]

Hi everyone

This is my first post

My son (37) has been diagnosed with BPD.

He lives in London and I live an hour away by train

He is on benefit and spends 90% of his time in bed asleep as he cannot face life/the world

He misses Dr's appointments and relies on his family to pay bills etc

( I am divorced but have a good relationship with his father)

I just don't know how to help him - we fill his larder with food, we visit as much as possible but he seems unable to help himself

When he is 'up' he is a party animal and is creative ( he makes music)

Any advice please ?

He lives in East London

Thank you

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[AVR1962]

Does your son accept the diagnosis? Does he feel he has a problem? Does he want help? I think this is key to help. If he accepts and is willing I would encourage counseling but if he does not accept there is not alot you can do at his age.

[kelti1972]

Welcome and thank you for sharing.  How very difficult it is to get out of the way so our children or loved ones can help themselves.  It is so hard to watch them making poor choices or choices we feel our wrong and bad for them.  I am so tempted to say things to my 27 year old s.  "you could have two jobs, instead of one part-time, don't you think you play golf too much, etc., etc. etc.  I haven't and I am so glad that so far I keep my mouth shut.  He has to be the one to learn from natural consesquences.  If I keep getting in the way he will not learn and it will not stick.  I have to give him credit for progress made.  He is going to DBT and counseling and that is the reason he can live at home.

It is so tempting to enable and want to clean up their mess from the choices they make.  Take care of you and try to let go.  AVR1962 is right, until he is ready take care of yourself and be good to you.  Kelti