Inadvertantly got the answers i was after, not feeling great about it either...

[seang]

Damn Facebook!  Dont get me wrong, I had defrieneded her.  But there were still some groups, likes we were still connected too.  Also, if youve been reading my posts of late, Ive had quite a few questions, and a burning desire to understand if she really is disordered.  Well just now I got the answers, and it aint nice.

A feed came up on my facebook from a romantic site. I often read the posts.  It was about a man pulling away from his woman. So i started to read it.  Then i see shes posted a comment.  I need a new man!  I mean 6 weeks out.  Stupidly, i liked the comment.  Then she replied, not a stalker tho. this angered me.  So i called her to see What the heck.  Stupid, stupid me.  She didnt answer.  But is obviously still split me black.  So after 2 weeks of complete NC, ive fukin ruined it.  for me I mean.  I now know that shes the one with issues for not even being in a place she can take a call from me.  And to be all over FB spouting ___ like this.  There were other likes about how the Mans weak, a headcase and they should be dumped.  LOL, like its all me.

What a fool Ive been.  I hope i dont go to far backwards.

[Sadly]

You really have not ruined it. All you have done is a teeny tiny step backwards. I cannot believe there is one single person on these boards, check out the ones that are a year down the line who have not done exactly what you did. One would have to be superhuman and none of us are. They say when people give up smoking/dieting or whatever their vice by having a cigarette/20 pies ! Dont let it set you back, pick up and start again. Not personal experience, have gone up to 40 a day since meeting my ex and dont need to diet. Actually, "new diet idea coming up" Find yourself a pwBPD. Ok not funny  At least you have discovered she is what she is now and can start reading and posting and getting better. Hark at me, not much further on than you and was a disintegrating mess yesterday but I hope it helps. 

[rotiroti]

You made an honest human mistake... .make sure to integrate this into your next phase of your life. Sometimes we have to be burned twice to be sure the kettle really is hot.

[Darsha500]

I blocked my ex completely on Facebook. That way I can't see anything she posts, no matter where it's posted on Facebook. I did so because I know that if I hear anything from her/about her life it will set me back. You might consider doing the same?

Best of luck friend, keep moving forward and I will too.

[seang]

I blocked my ex completely on Facebook. That way I can't see anything she posts, no matter where it's posted on Facebook. I did so because I know that if I hear anything from her/about her life it will set me back. You might consider doing the same?

Best of luck friend, keep moving forward and I will too.

Youre right dude.  And If Im shamefully honest.  I just cant bring myself to do that.  I have, and unblocked.  I know Im crazy and self harming, but again, shamefully, i dont seem to have the strength and will power to completely block her out.

Maybe this will change that.

[Darsha500]

I blocked my ex completely on Facebook. That way I can't see anything she posts, no matter where it's posted on Facebook. I did so because I know that if I hear anything from her/about her life it will set me back. You might consider doing the same?

Best of luck friend, keep moving forward and I will too.

Youre right dude.  And If Im shamefully honest.  I just cant bring myself to do that.  I have, and unblocked.  I know Im crazy and self harming, but again, shamefully, i dont seem to have the strength and will power to completely block her out.

Maybe this will change that.

I can understand that. I remember when I was performing the final cuts - blocking her on all fronts - It was like I was performing surgery. I was severing my attachments to her. I remember sitting there with the block user screen open and just had to sort of throw myself; had to just force myself to pull the trigger. It's so incredibly difficult.

I've been reading posts about how so many have recycled and lived to regret it. I seriously have to read that stuff everyday. I am scarred of that possibility. Sometimes I doubt if I'll have the will power to turn away from her if she ever try's to reconnect with me. But I've made it difficult for her by blocking her. Plus I think she painted me black. So that would help my cause too.

This moving on feels like I'm taking steps forward, but while dragging heavy weights behind me. Thank goodness for this board, where I get to commune with all my fellow travelers.

[SGraham]

I blocked my ex completely on Facebook. That way I can't see anything she posts, no matter where it's posted on Facebook. I did so because I know that if I hear anything from her/about her life it will set me back. You might consider doing the same?

Best of luck friend, keep moving forward and I will too.

Youre right dude.  And If Im shamefully honest.  I just cant bring myself to do that.  I have, and unblocked.  I know Im crazy and self harming, but again, shamefully, i dont seem to have the strength and will power to completely block her out.

Maybe this will change that.

I can understand that. I remember when I was performing the final cuts - blocking her on all fronts - It was like I was performing surgery. I was severing my attachments to her. I remember sitting there with the block user screen open and just had to sort of throw myself; had to just force myself to pull the trigger. It's so incredibly difficult.

I've been reading posts about how so many have recycled and lived to regret it. I seriously have to read that stuff everyday. I am scarred of that possibility. Sometimes I doubt if I'll have the will power to turn away from her if she ever try's to reconnect with me. But I've made it difficult for her by blocking her. Plus I think she painted me black. So that would help my cause too.

This moving on feels like I'm taking steps forward, but while dragging heavy weights behind me. Thank goodness for this board, where I get to commune with all my fellow travelers.

Yeah i totally get that. The other day a fb post with my ex came up because i forgot to block her older sister who i also know. I blocked het sister too, It felt terrible even tho i knew i needed to do it. Like you said its like performing surgery, a nasty invasive surgery, but one that needs to be performed.

[Pretty Woman]

This is the best description I can come up with... .

You are like two crows pulling each others feathers out

Unfortunately for you, she has more experience with this.

Once you are split black it's war. Anything you do... .even liking that is antagonizing her. You made a mistake. To err is human... .but I implore you... .try to delete and block. It takes time. I went off FB for two months cold turkey. That may be what you need. It allowed me to reconnect with myself.

You are still addicted to her. I know. They are like crack cocaine. All you need is one more hit... .

Cold Turkey my friend. It's the only way to beat this addiction. You deserve so much more than she will EVER be able to offer you.

I wasted three childbearing years on my ex.  I will be forty in a month. Cut your losses. There is a better woman out there for you. I promise.

PW

[sas1729]

Seang,

This may be the wrong approach, but I know that in the past it helped me when I was close to where you are now. First off though I just want to echo that it's a simple mistake. I know that you may be ruminating about all of this, but in this situation I think you deserve to be angry. Angry that you were treated this way. Anger can be a tool to help focus your thoughts, and it's important to be aware of what you're focusing on. A constructive way to channel your focus is to pour your anger into the belief that you deserve better. You can use it to strengthen your own self-worth in your own eyes. The truth is that you are a good person and that you have been mistreated. You deserve so much better than this. Instead of lashing out at your ex, remember instead that you will find someone who is truly deserving of YOU.

Anger can feel good, especially when it's justified. Don't be vindictive; be proud of who you are.