My replacement told me that my exBPD tried to hire a hitman to rough me up

[swimjim]

My replacement who is also my ex best friend came to me and told me that while I  maintained no contact for 3 months after my ex called the police and filed a false restraining order against me, she went to her employer who has mob ties to see if he can find someone to "rough me up".  Obviously her employer did not help her out lucky for me. However, her intent was there. I thin she wanted me to show up in court all banged up, who knows. I take this kind of thing very seriously. What if she was successful and in defending myself, it lead to my death or someone else's death. Do I let this go or is there any action I can take? 

[momtara]

did she tell you because she was sorry? or to threaten you?

you don't really have proof, but it is scary and something to take seriously. you could get a restraining order. the problem is, without proof, you show your hand. always be taping.

i think what it comes down to is, do you think they will let you alone, or are you in danger? if they will let you alone, then you cause new problems if you do something. that said, if you think they will cause problems in the future, you have to protect yourself.

[livednlearned]

Why would your replacement tell you that? Is he still with your ex?

I look back now at the years after my divorce and can see that my ex wanted me to live in a state of fear. He would send creepy text messages that said, "You came out and looked to the left, and squinted because the sun was so bright"

As though he was following me and watching where I went.

It was the reign of paranoia, and it was awful.

My advice is to lay as low as possible, practice all the safety cautions that any DV target should follow, and make yourself as boring, neutral, beige, bland, and dull as possible. Don't talk to her partner's or friends or ex lovers if you can avoid it.

[swimjim]

thanks livedandlearned. My replacement is no longer with my ex. He recently reached out to me to tell me that he thought she was mentally unstable.She has since married to his replacement. She recently called him to ask him to send back an item (50. value) that she loaned him 2 years ago. After two phone exchanges between the two of them, he receives a threatening email from her husband demanding he leave his wife alone or else there will be trouble. She then called my replacement and told him not to worry but that her husband is just very possessive.

I am safe right now I think and off her radar. However, finding out she wanted someone to break my legs is beyond comprehension. This is the same woman who wanted to marry me.

Can anyone explain this to me? She is the one who originally reached out to my replacement to ask for something back. Then he gets a threat from her husband.

If she could have been successful to find someone to harm me, while defending myself, I could have ended up dead. Since nothing happened, I just let it go? Only act after the fact while I lay in the hospital or 6 feet in the ground? All of her splitting black activities i.e. making a false police report, filing a false restraining order, and trying to get someone to harm me, allows her to go unscathed and I am left powerless because I have to just let it go. It is frustrating. Thanks in advance.

[livednlearned]

It's so hard -- really hard -- to experience push/pull. You are golden one minute, then cast evil the next. It's part of her illness, to have volatile interpersonal relationships. She feels intimacy, and it is disturbing, her self is not necessarily stable, and that's frightening. It is easier to exist in superficial ways, being in idealized relationships but only until she fears that person sees her the way she sees herself -- before someone begins to see how much she hates herself, how much self-loathing and shame and pain she is in. Better for her to push you away and explain to others that you hurt her, than to confront her own behavior. To do so takes a lot of emotional strength, something she does not have.

I am not a lawyer, and no one here can give you legal advice. My sense, though, is that you don't have anything to go on, not legally. It's hearsay, it happened a while ago. You can always consult with a lawyer for $100 or up for 30 minutes, if that helps give you some peace of mind.

I also recommend reading Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker -- particularly the part about protection orders. It really helps you think about the pros and cons of taking legal action with someone who is mentally unstable. When I was most concerned about my ex doing something, I read that chapter a dozen times, and realized that the safest choice was to lay low.

Also, as many of us on this board have experienced, pwBPD do not tend to follow court orders. It is pretty shocking for us to learn that the courts only make the orders -- we are still left to enforce them.

[swimjim]

Thanks Livednlearned. I appreciate you taking the time to help me out. I will purchase the book. It appears her husband does not know what he is in for. She finally got what she wanted; marriage.

[ForeverDad]

Without knowing the mental health of the latest replacement, it would probably be safe to assume #3 is being told a very different story than #2 was told.  Perhaps she's playing one against the other, wanting Knight in Shining Armor #3 to protect her from Mr Evil Personified #2.  At this point in time #3 might not listen to any proofs #2 has that she contacted him.  She will have him 'protect' her and that's his focus, for now.  He would be smart not to have children with her, at least not until he really sees her issues, children complicate relationships and keep the targets mired in dysfunctional relationships much longer.

[swimjim]

Thanks ForeverDad. She is too old to have kids (54) and her husband is 64. I found out after I got split black that she was filing bankruptcy. It is confirmed on the internet. Before then, she was pushing me to marry her. She would not consider moving into my house as an option. She wanted me to sell my house and buy a house with her.  She barely knew my replacement ( my ex best friend) but knew he had $$$. She reached out to him through Linketh. He took the bait. I think she might have been eyeballing his bank account. It sure looks like her attachment is financially motivated, right?