Changing life goals, catalyzed by the BPD experience.

[rotiroti]

Hello friends  ,

I think it's been around 100 days since I left my fiancee. I can't believe how fast the time flies and also how true the phrase "Time heals all wounds" is. It still hurts time to time, but emotionally detaching by the hour feels like... .peace. It's a strange feeling to read the leaving board, I can't believe how much I can relate to the pain of the newbies... .but then again those initial days were truly painful! I hope I can provide the same peace and solace that many of you offered me when I first joined

One of my hobbies is photography and it felt nice to go through our collaborations without feeling the hurtful emotions. It was just the fond memories looking back at me  . I do feel some disappointment for never having the opportunity to photograph her band's first show in Brooklyn, but I know it was not meant to be.

----


I wanted to ask you guys - has anyone had drastic life goal changes as a result of their experience with a pwBPD? Going into this relationship I really thought this was going to be it; finish out residency, have kids, get the house, etc. Following the b/u I've been looking into myself for what I really want in life. Realizing the b/u was the right thing makes me doubt my life-decisions. To realize what I was so sure of the life choices is unsettling to say the least... .thoughts?

I'm thinking of pooling all of my saved up vacation and traveling. I've always wanted to walk the Camino de Santiago...

[Dutched]

See you again…  Good to see you’re paying back yourself too 

I think it would be an awesome idea for you to walk to Santiago de Compostella!

Seems that Arles (FR) is a starting point too (once a gathering point for Italian and pilgrims from the Provence). Can recommend Arles, as it is a beautiful city.

Free your mind as you have learned (and rationalised) more than enough of what you experienced!

Good, as that trip is about you! It will be you, yourself and your thoughts to clear your mind.

And… along that long walk you will experience the warm harts of people and come up with many ideas that will make you confident in better future again.

No goals, but 1 goal…(this trip), next one(s) will pop up later.

And you know what? I sincerely hope that all will a be reduced to just a scarf that only itches sometimes and never hurts again when touched!

Although a cliché, you still have a whole life in front of you. Take it friend!

At my age, ca. 10 yrs. before retirement, my goal is primarily financial. I can’t recuperate my financial status, have to minimize damage in order to have some funds by then.

Emotional? Small things that were/are enjoyable for me and taking time after more than 3 decades

[rotiroti]

Merci

I would LOVE to see the Arles! I have family and friends in Padua, Italia who also started their journey from there. It looks so beautiful... .

I think through the heartbreak of it all and really long work hours, part of me forgot what it was like to live for the moment. I always loved to travel and spontaneous adventures. It saddens me that all of the promises I made with my ex-fiancee, to travel the world and work for various medical missions won't be happening. At least not happening as I had originally hoped for. Another member here (fromheeltoheal) did say that there is nothing keeping me from accomplishing the life I want on my own, and I can see the merit in that. For my dream in mission work to become something much more... .or perhaps my experience with BPD is the catalyst I needed to realize my dreams... .

What also keeps me 'grounded' from cutting loose is also what you mentioned. I have student loans that I am working on and can't really take huge breaks.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey rotiroti, For me it's less about drastic life changes and more about getting back to the person I was before the BPD tidal wave, which took me off course for 16 years.  Dreams die hard, it's true, though in my case the dream became a nightmare, so I have no regrets about what might have been.  I tried as hard as I could for as long as I could, but it wasn't sustainable.  In many ways, you are lucky that you reached this juncture prior to investing a big chunk of time.  Nowadays, I strive to be authentic, which is my new mantra.  As Nietzsche said, "Become who you are."

LuckyJim

[rotiroti]

Hey rotiroti, For me it's less about drastic life changes and more about getting back to the person I was before the BPD tidal wave, which took me off course for 16 years.  Dreams die hard, it's true, though in my case the dream became a nightmare, so I have no regrets about what might have been.  I tried as hard as I could for as long as I could, but it wasn't sustainable.  In many ways, you are lucky that you reached this juncture prior to investing a big chunk of time.  Nowadays, I strive to be authentic, which is my new mantra.  As Nietzsche said, "Become who you are."

LuckyJim

Hey LuckyJim, always appreciate your posts around here. Sometimes I get you mixed up with SwimJim and wonder to myself, man this guy's got lots on his plate

anyway, YES, that's exactly how I feel... .getting back to who I was before. I suppose since I've been out of touch with myself it feels like a completely new direction in life to some degree.

Übermensch!