Went to court today, one first battle won

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Briefly:

When I arrived, CrazyEx was with his dad and his new "girlfriend", the one he uses to drive him around, write crap about me and film me... .

His (horrible) lawyer stated that I had children on my own and then "kicked the fathers away" (  - I lived 10 years with my D11's father), she admitted advising him to come and film me at my place with his new gf and to come with his family to take baby away "by force"... .she came from a very snob part of the capital and mentioned that "her client comes from a respectable family", and that his father and his "new partner" were in the waiting room (who cares).

My L (who knows that judge almost personally) said "we think Mr X. has psychiatric problems, and we DO mean psychiatric".

Then the judge turned to CrazyEx and asked "Are you mentally ill, sir? It happens, there's nothing to be ashamed about."

And THERE, instead of saying "no I'm not", he started rambling on, telling about when I'd come to shout at him and that he'd told me "I'm now the man you've always wanted me to be... .", that he'd gone to psych ward asking them "am I crazy" and that the doc had answered "you don't seem ill, but you have a r/s problem... .", and that he's been seeing a psychologist for a year.

The judge hadn't yet read the documents (my L explained to me she gets to read them AFTER court), so what he was refering to just couldn't make any sense.

The judge then concluded that:

1) There will be a psych eval for the entire "family" (not sure who it involves exactly).

2) Since he (claims) that he hasn't seen baby for a very long time, he will not be able to take baby for full week ends yet.

3) She wasn't sure about supervised visitation just yet, but my L sounded very positive when we left.

I'm feeling relieved, even if if was very hard... .

[Indyan]

Briefly:

When I arrived, CrazyEx was with his dad and his new "girlfriend", the one he uses to drive him around, write crap about me and film me... .

His (horrible) lawyer stated that I had children on my own and then "kicked the fathers away" (  - I lived 10 years with my D11's father), she admitted advising him to come and film me at my place with his new gf and to come with his family to take baby away "by force"... .she came from a very snob part of the capital and mentioned that "her client comes from a respectable family", and that his father and his "new partner" were in the waiting room (who cares).

My L (who knows that judge almost personally) said "we think Mr X. has psychiatric problems, and we DO mean psychiatric".

Then the judge turned to CrazyEx and asked "Are you mentally ill, sir? It happens, there's nothing to be ashamed about."

And THERE, instead of saying "no I'm not", he started rambling on, telling about when I'd come to shout at him and that he'd told me "I'm now the man you've always wanted me to be... .", that he'd gone to psych ward asking them "am I crazy" and that the doc had answered "you don't seem ill, but you have a r/s problem... .", and that he's been seeing a psychologist for a year.

The judge hadn't yet read the documents (my L explained to me she gets to read them AFTER court), so what he was refering to just couldn't make any sense.

The judge then concluded that:

1) There will be a psych eval for the entire "family" (not sure who it involves exactly).

2) Since he (claims) that he hasn't seen baby for a very long time, he will not be able to take baby for full week ends yet.

3) She wasn't sure about supervised visitation just yet, but my L sounded very positive when we left.

I'm feeling relieved, even if if was very hard... .

[ForeverDad]

It is so very hard going into court not knowing how it will turn out, we're glad it was better than you feared.

It sounds like the court will wait for the results of the 'family' psych evaluation before making a more detailed order.  Based on the court events, it will surely include him but it may include both of you.  Do your best to have an experienced, respected and perceptive evaluator, not just the cheapest one or one his lawyer wants.

At this early stage in hammering out the custody and parenting issue, try your best to get the best order possible.  Probably it's too soon to make deals, he may still be too entitled at this point and whatever you gifted him now that isn't absolutely necessary would be hard to get back later.

[Indyan]

Thanks Foreverdad

I don't think we get to choose the evaluator actually, I guess the court decides 

I'll ask my lawyer.

Same thing about the parenting issue, I don't think there is anything I can do anymore at this stage but wait and see. 

[enlighten me]

I requested a psych eval with my ex wife. It didnt go well for me as the one hour visit wasnt enough for him to see through her. It ended up as a diagnosis of situational depression caused by me.

I think your lawyer would be better off asking for medical records from husbands pschologist. Or even putting yhe pschologist on the stand.

[Indyan]

That's scary... .

I've no idea what's going to happen next... .

[AlonelyOne]

I requested a psych eval with my ex wife. It didnt go well for me as the one hour visit wasnt enough for him to see through her. It ended up as a diagnosis of situational depression caused by me.

I think your lawyer would be better off asking for medical records from husbands pschologist. Or even putting yhe pschologist on the stand.

Who paid?  You're also male?

My custody evaluation was utter BS.  I intend to file a malpractice lawsuit against him.  He ignored and excused everything on my wife's part.  Dwelt on anything he could to smear me. And flat out lied.

To be frank, I am so jaded at this point. That I really do not feel I have any recourse with the court or legal system.

[enlighten me]

Yes Im male. I cant remember if I paid or if it was done through the court. Im in the UK so some things are different.

Don't lose heart. I got 50/50 custody but that wasn't enough to stop my ex wife moving away with my boys. Now 3 1/2 years later they are living with me and don't want anything to do with their mum.