Back together after 3 or 4 months ... it begins (recycling)

[nonbpdis-m]

I am back with BPDgf feel like such a fool for believing the:

'I've changed from now on no more rows'

'Let's have a brand new start and forget the past'

'I've been to therapy and I've sorted out some issues from my past'

I am now in the recycling process back to square one, back to the old relationship of jealous rages, paranoid delusions and shaming.  I do not understand how people put up with this for decades in some cases.  You deserve a medal but I fear that it has left permanent scars.  I fear for my v young daughter who is still a baby and hence why I wanted to try again, I want to protect her from the volatility not that she's like this with the kids but in front of them (towards me).  It's very hard to make a clean break with a BPDw as they are master manipulators and great at making you feel like you've abandoned the family and 'hurt the kids'. 

She has been talking about me to my group of friends but is very careful when picking her marks.  She will have a stab with someone and then give up particularly if they are v close with me and are sceptical of her actions, then move on to softer, more vulnerable targets for her triangulation games.

If she can get in there first and make out I'm the 'mad' one some people are gna fall for this and unfortunately I may lost them for the time she is in my life.  She's already turned a few people against me but luckily the ones who truly know me have said that she will never pull the wool over their eyes which was such a relief to hear.

Her rages are getting more frequent and the accusations are getting more absurd (having affairs, sexting other women, getting back with exes etc) Its unbearable and I wouldn't wish this life on my worst enemy. 

My only advice to someone who has experienced any violence or mental abuse is to leave VERY early on.  It gets far more difficult later on (co-dependence etc).  This woman will be in my life forever now as I have a daughter with her.  I must point out that my daughter is my world and therefore some good has come of this but I will hopefully will be spending time with her away from this poison in the near future and show her what normal and  healthy relationships looks like.

[OnceConfused]

woman will be in my life forever now as I have a daughter with her

No, she won't be in your life forever. Nothing is permanent in this life.

Be careful about her potentially sets you up for future rape claim, assaults, ... .by telling the world how bad you are.

[Corgicuddler95]

What was it like when you were apart? How did you feel and how did she act?

[nonbpdis-m]

What was it like when you were apart? How did you feel and how did she act?

I felt cut off from my close friends.  She was arranging to meet up with my friends before I had a chance to.  This was perhaps a PR stunt to promote herself as the calm reasonable one and me as the aggressor before I had even met up with them (a sort of get in first approach). 

I missed the family set up, my daughter in particular and was upset at not being able to see her everyday. 

I felt disappointed in myself for 'not listening' to her when she was exploding in rages and almost blamed myself for a lack of sympathy.  This however I realise was a direct result of being shamed and make to feel guilty for 'abandoning' everyone.

She told me she was in therapy, as she had been arrested for domestic violence upon me which actually led to me being asked to leave the property by the police and the social services.  I too was receiving therapy as a victim of domestic abuse but stopped it as she said she 'was getting better and had learned from her mistakes in the past' (which I was forbidden from talking about).

The latest explosion was a result of her finding the name of an old ex in my facebook search history as I stupidly left it open on my laptop.  This has led to her being suspicious whenever my phone goes off.  Apparently I'm either 'seeing a new girl' that I met while we were split up OR have 'got back with one of my exes'.  This has been going on for nearly 3 weeks now.

Someone please tell me this has happened to you I'm going out of my mind.  I need an exit strategy that will mean I can afford to love and pay child support, so any advice would be wonderful.

Thanks for reading hope I didn't go on too long.

[OnceConfused]

I need an exit strategy that will mean I can afford to love and pay child support

well there will no easy exit strategy since there is a child involved, but at least you are not married to her. Your love to your daughter will not be changed whether you are with the mom or not.

If you are not happy in a r.s, guess what your child will see that growing up and eventually you will split anyway. If you stay and be unhappy then you will be wasting the next 18 years of your life, living in misery.

Your exit strategy will simply be

1. your determination whether this r.s can exist or not. If not, then time to move out and move on , no matter what.

2. Document domestic abuse, perhaps you can claim 50% custody or full custody of your child (then the child support issues become moot).

FYI, my xBPDgf would go into a rage for the littlest thing. One day as we were driving, she went into a cold, silent rage after yelling at me for looking at women in the crosswalk (huh ?). That is why they call it , WALKING ON EGGSHELLS. BPD wants the nons to be TOTALLY compliant (like a dog). Well, for me I could not live like that. Furthermore, there are too many beautiful people out there wanting to be my mate, so I have to be with the one who causes me pain and headache (that was my argument to my attaching mind)