Sometimes I'm tired of being the "better" parents

[Thunderstruck]

Last night I took SD10 to the store to buy uBPDbm a birthday present. That sounds like such a little thing, but... .

We are down to $11 in our bank account. All our credit cards are maxed out and we STILL owe the L another $900. We're in so much debt in this custody "fight" that we can barely function. Every month we pay CS to uBPDbm, who refuses to spend the money on SD10. We pay for health insurance, doctor bills, school supplies, field trips, school lunches, after school activities, daycare... .Then uBPDbm complains that she doesn't have any money and that DH isn't paying "his fair share", and then she goes and buys herself a new dress.   

And to top it all off, DH wasn't even allowed to talk to SD10 on his birthday (because she was with uBPDbm, who doesn't follow the court order for allowing phone calls).

I'm just so tired of it all sometimes. I'm tired of being stuck in a temp order and I'm tired of waiting for this CE that has now taken 14 months and still isn't done. I'm tired of always taking the high road and being a good person to someone who so deeply detests us.

Sorry, I had to vent.

[Panda39]

Girl no need to apologize.  

Been there done that!  

My SO's divorce took 2 years to finalize with all the drama, neglect of uBPDmom (older daughter out of school for 9th grade/younger daughter tooth extraction because mom wouldn't get her to the dentist for months, eviction, filthy home), kids refusing to talk to their dad, extinction bursts, lawyer fees, CE fees, alimony, child support, false abuse aligations, parental alienation and a court that is slow as molasses.

Yep, have definately felt your pain.

I will say the CE report taking foreeeeeeeeeeeever is a little over the top can the judge light a fire under this person?  Maybe a singed behind would get things going!

Hang in there the agony and frustration will eventually end  

Panda39

[PinkieV]

You are by far the better parents   and your SD knows it.  I would have taken her to the dollar store for one item, and had her make a card.  Homemade's from the heart, right?    Hang in there!

[bravhart1]

I feel you thunder.

The alienation over here is so deep I don't even know why I care anymore.

Therapist thinks we are saints for putting up with the constant nonsense, ie false accusations, drive bys, emails, court filings the list goes on forever. But I want to just look at her and scream. I mean really, WHAT CHOICE DO WE HAVE? What are we supposed to do? Call the police and complain she is bankrupting us?

We just spent $2300 on one day in court to try to get the judge to enforce the CE he just ordered a month ago. She signed it then but now she says she can't afford it. Well then you can't afford to be crazy and a bad mom then.

Her answer to the CE was to ask the judge to order child support in her favor. She only has eight days a month. And like you, we pay for everything.

It's just so hard to try to raise someone else's child and try your best to fix what they break in them and then be hated for it day after day.

I get these people have a mental illness, but they also give a great impression of a horrible person.

Sorry this is so hard, you aren't alone.

[Nope]

Hi!   

I read your post to my DH. He still can't get over the fact that so many BPDms have the exact same behaviors. Best thing I can tell you is that you will get through this and you, DH and SD10 will be just fine.

Just wait until you are at the next step: Where once BPDm loses almost all of her power and then no longer has any real interest in SD10. Nothing like spending tens of thousands of dollars just to end up in the same position that you would be in if the BPDm never cared. (Paying for everything, responsible for everything, watching the kids get ripped apart by how obviously happy their mom is now that they aren't there.)

[Panda39]

Just wait until you are at the next step: Where once BPDm loses almost all of her power and then no longer has any real interest in SD10. Nothing like spending tens of thousands of dollars just to end up in the same position that you would be in if the BPDm never cared. (Paying for everything, responsible for everything, watching the kids get ripped apart by how obviously happy their mom is now that they aren't there.)

All of this while also paying alimony   

But wouldn't have given up on those kids for anything!

Panda39

[scraps66]

I can empathize in part, I get tired of the lack of satisfaction or payback, with one son out of two at least.  My satisfaction always seems to be tainted by something uNPDBPDex does or does to the kids. 

[Thunderstruck]

Just wait until you are at the next step: Where once BPDm loses almost all of her power and then no longer has any real interest in SD10. Nothing like spending tens of thousands of dollars just to end up in the same position that you would be in if the BPDm never cared. (Paying for everything, responsible for everything, watching the kids get ripped apart by how obviously happy their mom is now that they aren't there.)

When I look into the crystal ball of our future, this is what I see. SD10 already tells us that she's upset because uBPDbm doesn't pay attention to her and care more about "boys and money and her friends". On uBPDbm's custodial nights, she goes out with friends and leaves SD10 home alone (what is the point of having them if you aren't going to spend them with your child?).

uBPDbm has made it very clear that her only interest in this custody case is child support. Once she loses that, she'll lose interest in SD10.

[PinkieV]

The only reason my DH's uBPDew would want my SS15 back is for the money, and free babysitting of his half sister, who is 11.   

She texted my SS19 a couple of weeks ago at 11:30 on a school night.  BM and her fiance were not home yet.  He told her to just curl up and go to sleep, they'd be there soon.  He's NC with BM, and we're two states away, so there's not a lot he could do, except call the police.  If he had told us at the time, I would have tried to monitor as best I could.

It's pretty bad when your son and his SM are more worried about your daughter (whom she claims is bipolar and autistic) than you are.

[AlonelyOne]

Thank you for being there in your DH's life and supporting him.

God, I'd give anything to have that in my life. I have endured so much hell and injustice. That I have reached the point that I am going to actively pursue legislative changes in my state.  Because I have to take all of this anger and hurt and focus it into something positive... .

Cause frankly, at  this point I believe a baseball bat needs to be taken to the heads of this system.