Introduction

[Honey B]

Hello. I am quite stressed today so will just briefly say hello. My adult daughter who has two children has BPD traits

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[madmom]

Welcome Honey B---I too have an adult daughter with BPD.  I have found a lot of help and support here and I hope you will also.  When you are ready please tell us more and we will be here for you.  We all know the difficult road you are on when someone you loves has BPD.

[Honey B]

I am just posting briefly to introduce myself. I have a twenty-nine year old daughter who has traits of BPD and I know I have not been handling things well. I am hoping that I will find some advice and support here.

[lbjnltx]

What is the status of your relationship with your daughter right now?

[Honey B]

She has recently asked for no contact with me which also means no contact with my grandsons. I am in a dilemma about whether just to take her at her word or to reach out to her in some way.

I have been reading some other posts and I can see that there are other people in situations where they are not in contact with their children.

I am feeling that I have contributed to this situation.

[lbjnltx]

There is always the "do over" if we have something to apologize for.

Using "I" statements, no excuses:

"I want to apologize to you for hurting you and damaging our relationship, that was not my intention.  I didn't handle my feelings well and I didn't respond to the situation the best way possible.  I have learned how to better cope with my feelings and can respond in a more beneficial way and would like to repair any damage to our relationship."

One of the ways I check myself is to ask self how I would want my d18 to behave/say in the same situation. 

[Honey B]

I would like to try that very much as it is genuinely how I feel but I am worried about going against the instruction not to make contact

[lbjnltx]

It is good to respect her boundary of no contact at this time.

Has she cut communication off with you before?  How long did it last?  Who initiated the reconnection?

[Honey B]

It has happened before and it was me who made the first approach. I'm really not sure what to do this time-if I do  try to approach her I want to be completely genuine.  Perhaps she is happier not to be in contact just now. It wasn't my intention but she does have reason to be upset with me.