communication advice needed

[meantcorn34]

Today has been really difficult with my BPDs 23. He is in a foul mood for oversleeping and missing his friend; got cheated by his pot dealer and because I returned the video games he rented from red box on my account. He was screaming vile things as I walked out the door.

When I returned from shopping, his mood was no better. I told him to control his anger or I would leave the room. I wound up going into my bedroom and closing the door. He burst into my room yelling again. I said I would speak to him when he regained control of himself and I was leaving the house. As I gathered my keys, etc, he stopped.

A few small pieces of what he said do have merit. I did forget a few things from the store, but how do I validate that when it was communicated in the middle of a vile attack without reinforcing the behavior as a whole?

I could really use help. Thank you all.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

First off... .good job  enforcing boundaries and not making it worse.

You may want to have a conversation with him regarding why he is upset with you.  If he can do this calmly then validate the valid then.  If he cannot relay the information to you and begins to rage at you again... .do a repeat of leaving his presence.  Being there emotionally for him does not mean being raged at.  It means listening and understanding validating and supporting him in solving his own problems if he is open to the guidance.

lbj

[meantcorn34]

Thank you so much for your help. There is positive news to share- my son came to me after he was calm for about an hour. He apologized saying he was feeling very angry with his girlfriend and just took it out on me because I was the only one around. He apologized for not using his coping skills. We discussed his issues with me, which were all about food and not feeling heard about his preferences. I apologized and we made a plan to go to the store tomorrow.

So this ended OK. But the peace and cooperation will last only until the next thing bothers him. He refuses therapy, but does remember coping skills and reviews them with me fairly often. He apparently does use his skills to control himself at times, but when it's bad, it's really bad. I know most , if not all, of us can identify.