confused

[jq46810]

Im not sure where to start but I feel completely lost and disempowered. I have been in a relationship with a girl who I knew had bipolar but from your information shows all the signs of BPD. The three stages have been as described in your journals the first 6 mnths was incredible the second year was more demanding floating between sicknesses and depression but the third phase has become increasingly toxic. In this third phase she has started involving others in our arguments seeking everybody's opinion and embellishing the truth and even telling people terribly personal things for example she told some friends that I forced her to have demeaning sex twice a day which is not true. One by one our friends backed away and now I feel completely alone an humiliated. The fighting all started when I started trying to find ways to motivate her. She would use herb bipolar as an excuse for why she wanted to sleep half of the day but would have no problem going out shopping or drinking champagne with our friends all at my expense (I have been financially supporting her since dy 1). What I noticed was that when she was drinking she would talk delusional about the high achiever(herself) who wanted to do things but was being held back by me. I tried getting help with phycologists and her pyciatrists all of which seem to want to do work on her childhood however she never followed through. There was an obvious disconnect between what she would say and want and what she would do. Our arguments started to happen everyday over this lack of follow through and her fury and rage became notably worse. In the last 6 months we have had many  arguments no different from normal but she has started calling the police claiming domestic violence. the last episode three weeks ago she called the police claimed I had hit her and I was charged with a domestic violence order.  After that episode I asked her to leave and she has moved back overseas and has a group of friends all protecting her, one by one they have warned me to stay away or else. She continues to call me daily when they are not there and abuse me, last Friday she said she was in trouble with no money to buy food so I sent her money only to be told that she was out on the town drinking that night. I love her but I have completly lost myself and I don't understand if she ever loved me or if she actually even cares for me. The things she has been saying have been so hurtful and personal I don't understand how anyone who ever loved somebody could say them. Her friends are telling me she is doing well and is getting on her feet, I feel like the whole world looks at me as if I am some sort of criminal and all I did was care for her

[Svarl1]

Hi JQ,

You've clearly been through the mill with this person. In spite of the way she treats you, you have tried to be responsible and even sent her money when she said she was hard up.

Now, while many of us here have remained in abusive relationships against our better judgment, when she made false accusations of violence and coercion against you then this takes it to a whole new level.

Even if you don't end up in jail, you could be left with a criminal record. You might not work again. She could destroy you.

Keep well away!

[AsGoodAsItGets]

Well, on the other side.  I to supported my ex, lost 499k in savings felt lost,  and then lost my job.  I meet a very sweet women.  She cheated on her nd with me.  I was so hurt from my past BPD relationship I lost my values,  I almost took advantage of this women,  she would buy groceries, gave me money.  I felt nothin inside.  Then it hit me she was doing for me what I did for my ex.  It's amazing how much love I feel from her, and the level of communication we have, and the respect I treat her with.  Yet it could have gone the other way.  I was very close to using her and not feeling a thing of remorse.  Just...   Idk,  its not personal with your ex, she doesn't feel like us,  I know, I almost completely lost my values,  and thank god I felt remorse, love, respect, trust.  Now me and this person share our feelins and its enriched ourlives.  Please email me, or keep reading these forms

[OnceConfused]

When a person becomes delusional, then you have to be extra careful. Another poster just wrote that his wife called the cops to report that he had sex with young boys across the street. Luckily the policy did not believe her, otherwise he would be in jail and labeled as child molester for the rest of his life. She checked into the hospital last week for delusion.

Now the evidence showed your friend is also a liar, who cons you for money for her drinking. I would not give her another dime.

Also ignore her friends' comments, I am sure your xgf has been on a campaign to discredit you and make you look like the loser.

For those who follows your xgf, just don't associate with them

[Suzn]

Hello jq46810

Welcome to bpdfamily. I'm really sorry you've had to go through all of this with your girlfriend.    Bpd behaviors can be very confusing and painful for significant others and family members. It's difficult not to take disordered behaviors personally. You can read more about this here: Bpd: What is it? How can I tell?

I agree, now that there is a charge against you for domestic violence it may be good to steer clear until this has been resolved. Are you awaiting a court date or has there been a conviction? It should be easy to show proof she is still contacting you with your phone records.

Are you wanting contact? Where do you see this relationship going jq?

[jq46810]

Thank you everybody for your kind words.

The dv courtorder was upheld and i now have a mandatory12 month good behaviour period. It is not exclusive of her and she could come back tomorrow. Because she did not attend the court day the system defends her as the aggreaved and i was not able to defend myself.the order could be removed by her but she needs to make an order to the

three days ago her tone started to settle but she kept saying she wanted to come back but couldn't as she was fearful for her life. In her mind i think fueled by her friends the dv is real. The next day i received a text from her friend who works with battered wifes telling me to leave her alone stop calling and harrasing her and do not reply to her messages.

I sent her an email the next day stating that herfriends had told me to leave her alone and if she felt  that way please tell me and i will leave her alone, her reply was "ENOUGH". I have no idea what that reply means.

I spoke with a friend who said that this maybe a good thing, by her painting herself as a victim her friends have closed in to support but they will make her accountable and that may force her to look at herself.

I know i sound desperate but i have no peace and cant stop wondering why she did this and does she reflect at anytime and wonder/regret what she has done.