What did I get myself into

[Washisheart]

I knew when I told him back over 2 1/2 years ago he had BPD. I finally had the answers I needed as to WHY he said & did the things he would. But I took him back anyway.

I am so TIRED of the insults, so TIRED of having to entertain him, so TIRED of nothing I do being good enough, so TIRED of not being known as his woman, but being known as "the idiot who puts up with his crap." TIRED of the lies, TIRED of the drama. I just want a NORMAL relationship & it stinks not being able to have one with the person I gave 6 1/2 years of my life to. I'm TIRED of embarrassment & humiliation. Everywhere we go, he starts crap, complains, and when we're hanging out with people he loves to insult me.

Where were these behaviors when I fell in love as he sold me a non existent dream our first 2 years together.

I'm so tired, I cheated. I went home for my class reunion last month and showed up at my ex boyfriend's job (we only broke up because I was moving out of state). I spent almost the entire weekend with him. It was AMAZING to be with a man who could see my worth and complimented me all the time. A man who never complained, who is laid back and knees how to think logically and appreciate life. I still talk to him every day. He makes me feel good.

BPDfiance' has his suspicions, I won't admit to anything though. I packed my stuff and was ready to leave 2 weeks ago, he begged me not to go. Said for me to keep the house for me and my daughter and he would go, then after I said ok he decided he wasn't going anywhere. Sometimes I look at this man and I melt. Other times I want to run away.

I'm afraid when I do leave he will destroy my car & show up at my job.

This feeling stinks

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Washisheart, I can understand why you feel so tired, because it's emotionally and physically draining in a BPD r/s.  I should know, having been married to a pwBPD for 16 years.  When we separated, I had nothing left in the tank.  I was worn down to a pulp.

Let me ask you some tough questions:  Why do you stay?  What makes you think things are going to improve?  Are you engaged?  If so, how soon is your marriage?

I can't tell you what to do, but I can suggest that you listen to your gut feelings.

LuckyJim