how to behave

[cometstan]

I need help with my 36 year old daughter.  I have only recently realized her personality problems.  She is engulfed by me... .

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[madmom]

Welcome cometstan  You have found a place of love and support for all that you are dealing with.  The tools and lessons on the right have been a true blessing for me as I deal with my own child.  Can you tell us more?  What specifically are the problems you are wanting help with?  I am anxious to hear more soon.  Please remember, you are not alone in this journey.

[lbjnltx]

Hi cometstan,

Welcome to the site and the Parenting Board.  I'm sorry to hear that  your daughter is suffering from personality problems.

Feelings of engulfment are common in people that suffer with BPD.  One of the ways I deal with this trait with my own daughter is to validate and ask validating questions that show that I understand her feelings, have heard what she is telling me and support her in finding solutions for her problems or feelings that she is unhappy with.  I don't solve her problems for her or push her to tell me something she doesn't want to.

There is info in the side bar about validation (tools, lessons in workshop, article and video form) that can introduce you to the topic if you aren't too familiar with it.  Our girls need us to be there for them in beneficial ways.  It's hard to be that "go to person" all the time... .that's why we need to take care of ourselves and our own well being.  Before coming here and learning the best communication techniques and gaining a healthy perspective on the disorder it was like the blind leading the blind at my house. 

Does your daughter live with you?  Does she bring her problems to you and then complain that you are interfering in her life?

I look forward to hearing back from you and learning more about you and how I might be able to help.



lbjnltx