Neighbor Advice

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I'm not sure if this is the right place, but since I mostly post here this is where I thought to start. We have a neighbor that exhibits signs of BPD, IMO, and she has three girls. One is high school, one is elementary and one middle school (she attends with my daughter). Once she called the cops on the girls father when he showed up for the girls. Yesterday I was painting my daughters room and had the window open, she lives 2 houses down across the street and I could hear her yelling at them. My DH was walking the dog and had headphones in, he could hear over the music. She was screaming at them because they ate dinner at their dad's before coming home. She was screaming the F word, calling them inconsiderate a'holes and a host of other derogatory things. I feel bad, this is a weekly occurrence when we can hear her screaming at them from inside our home. What can I do, it doesn't feel right to do nothing. Plus sometimes she is screaming obscenities when my kids are playing outside. I feel bad for those girls...

[Swiggle]

I'm not sure if this is the right place, but since I mostly post here this is where I thought to start. We have a neighbor that exhibits signs of BPD, IMO, and she has three girls. One is high school, one is elementary and one middle school (she attends with my daughter). Once she called the cops on the girls father when he showed up for the girls. Yesterday I was painting my daughters room and had the window open, she lives 2 houses down across the street and I could hear her yelling at them. My DH was walking the dog and had headphones in, he could hear over the music. She was screaming at them because they ate dinner at their dad's before coming home. She was screaming the F word, calling them inconsiderate a'holes and a host of other derogatory things. I feel bad, this is a weekly occurrence when we can hear her screaming at them from inside our home. What can I do, it doesn't feel right to do nothing. Plus sometimes she is screaming obscenities when my kids are playing outside. I feel bad for those girls...

[Turkish]

Gotta love the neighbors   I have a neighbor who's "off", too, though I haven't heard screaming in a while.

Is there an anonymous CPS help line you can call? I live in a big city, and I was referred to the anonymous line, should I ever have any questions. A domestic violence line might be a good place to start as well, or at least they can refer you.

Reporting may open up a hornet's nest, though, and the neighbor may likely know it was one of her neighbors who reported her. Are you in a position to just befriend the girls? I had a couple of "safe houses" during my teen years when things were bad with my BPD mother. It helped immensely.

[bravhart1]

Since I happen to know there are adults who have witnessed bad and abusive behaviour by BPDm to my step daughter I would like to say this:

I understand it's uncomfortable to report this. I understand it's hard to have a neighbor who may potentially be angry with you over the report to CPS.

But... .We spend thousands of dollars a month to try to protect SD from abuse and it's not working. If someone would come forward and be brave enough to tell the truth, to stand up for the child in a way that we can't (since we aren't to be believed as the ones on the opposite side) then this child just might have a chance at a normal happy childhood.

She might not have to grow up be indoctrinated into her mothers convoluted thinking, so she might be able to have a child she doesn't pass it on to and so on. Help end this cycle. Stand up for those girls. Maybe look at it like this, maybe you were meant to know about BPD and hear her abuse so that you could be the one to help them.

I just feel so strongly that adults need very much to stand up for children that aren't able to stand up for themselves.

[PinkieV]

I agree with bravhart1.  Ten plus years of emotional and physical abuse of my stepsons only stopped when my DH got emergency custody because BM was going to jail.  So many people knew, or had an idea, and no one, not even BM's own family, stepped forward.

I'm not saying this to guilt-trip you into making a call.  But making an anonymous report could start the process to saving those poor girls.  If their dad is like my DH, he has no clue what he is up against and has basically given up. 

I also agree with Turkish that you can try to befriend them and offer a bit of normalcy or a port in the storm.

[Swiggle]

I'm not really worried about her getting angry, or actually I don't really care if she doesn't like it. I guess I just worry that nothing would happen anyway. I was thinking about making an anonymous call to CPS and writing an anonymous letter to the school counselors where they go? At least the school counselors could initiate a discussion with the girls and if need be make a report should anything come up.

[Deb]

I'm not really worried about her getting angry, or actually I don't really care if she doesn't like it. I guess I just worry that nothing would happen anyway. I was thinking about making an anonymous call to CPS and writing an anonymous letter to the school counselors where they go? At least the school counselors could initiate a discussion with the girls and if need be make a report should anything come up.

I think writing to the school counselors is a good idea. Even if they can't do anything, at least they can be aware that there is abuse going on. They are also mandatory reporters.

And I wish more people would have stood up for my SD when she was young. We tried CPS and were told that "unless there is sexual abuse" they wouldn't do anything. Granted, this was in the 1980's, but it took my SD being raped by her mother's boyfriend (at age 11) before anyone would help her. I also wish someone would have stood up for my nieces when my dBPD sister was verbally/emotionally abusing them. I didn't live close so I did not know the extent of what she was doing until they werer adults. Except for one incident I witnessed and I thought talking to my sister would make her stop the behavior.  I didn't know about BPD then.

One other thing, even if CPS can't do anything THIS time, there will be a record.