New here and wanted to introduce myself

[thecrusader]

Hello BPD Family - I'm a new member and I wanted to introduce myself.  I am a guy in a long distance relationship with a woman.  She comes to stay with me about once every 10 days for 5 days at a time.  We met through work. 

We had a rocky start in about November 2018.  I met her on a business trip.  We had immediate chemistry and great fun together, though nothing sexual happened.  She lives about 400 miles away, so I didn't think anything could come of it.  I was actively enjoying the dating scene and bleeding into 2019 she was very persistent and flirty with emailing.  I saw her again in February of 2019 and the intensity grew substantially but I was dating someone else at the time.  Her emailing grew more intense, emotional and romantic.  I admit I felt it, too.  The girl I was dating was not significant, but I didn't want to cheat, so I told my BPD pen pal we need to back off.

Fast forward to January 2020... I had broken up with my ex several months earlier and I wanted to give the long distance thing a try so I contacted BPD.  To put it mildly 2020 was massive roller coaster ride of the most intensely beautiful love affair I have ever known and the most devastatingly hurtful and painful fighting I have ever been involved with.

I regularly see a traditional therapist (at this point about twice a year to check in) and I have a spiritual coach I see about once every other month.  Both of them during 2020 told me it sounds like she has BPD.  In November of last year I finally read my first BPD book and I have read two others since then.  They have actually helped me deal much better, but there is a repeating pattern that after every time she's here and we are on a very high high, she goes home and within a day or two she unloads on me.  I call it her being in "The Zone."  Usually, she will be with some friends who will pick at an old "scab" and she will find a way to associate it with me - even if it has nothing to do with me - and she will viciously attack me.   

Of course, I could go into a million details, but I'll stop here for now.  She definitely has about 7-8 of the BPD symptoms from these books and I know she has it at least to some degree - she is "unconventional" though she realizes she has serious psychological issues from her childhood and she did just start seeing a therapist, but haven't come to BPD yet.  She also does read some books to help herself and I have to give her credit that she really does try to get a handle on her anger and she seems to have made some progress (for example, after our last blow-up fight, she called the next morning and said "I'm sorry."  This was HUGE for her).

Anyway, I really do love her, but of course love isn't always enough.  I have debated many times (and so has she of course) ending the relationship.  It probably sounds cliche'd but she does have such a loving heart and tries so hard when she's not in The Zone.  So...

Just joining here and looking to gain some support and insight and hopefully provide some as well. 

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

make no mistake: bpd or not, the long distance is definitely a factor, as is your previous hesitance.

Of course, I could go into a million details, but I'll stop here for now

dont. i would, respectfully, encourage you to share much more. the nature of your relationship online vs in person is vital.