Gotta get some positive input from those who are in the experienced know

[Carlos pagano]

Hi to everyone.

Just joined up with the hope of finding personal coping mechanisms from people who are or who have been in a relationship with a significant other who has been diagnosed with BPD.

Am really just at my emotional and mental wits end.  It is a lonely place to be as it is difficult to find a support from people who really understand.

I guess I just want to understand what is really going on for my ex partner and how I can avoid being baited and trapped into cycles perpetually un resolved arguments, pointlessly trying to rationalise with someone who only sees things in black and white with little space for allowing self awareness of true mind set to cut in, is exhausting and painful.

I really don't know where to start?   I need help.

[OnceConfused]

carlos:

the first place to start is to read many of the posts here and to begin to share your thoughts . That will give you lots of background and the similar stories about BPD across many posters here.

Do you want to get back with your XBPDpartner or you are thinking about moving on ?

[UndauntedDad]

Hi Carlos,

Welcome, glad you joined.

I strongly second what OnceConfused said.  The stories here are full of useful information, and the sidebars, links, and videos have concrete advice for improving relationships, and healing damage from relationships with pwBPD.  The homepage has a lot of links that I found compelling and useful.

I would say that the second place to start is to look inward and focus on yourself.  It's confusing and lonely, but there is information and support to be found here.  Are there specific things about yourself that you're dealing with, or having trouble with?  Ask here, and someone might be able to help you.

For example, in my case of being co-dependent with a uBPD wife of 14 yrs, for years I struggled with denial (which I wasn't really aware of, stereotypically.)  Eventually I realized I was co-dependent, and next started to ask why.  Next I learned more about BPD.  Then I had a lot of anger, at myself, and at my wife, and I still struggle with that.   Now I'm trying to use better communication methods with my wife, and meanwhile I'm feeling a lot guilt (for my part in it all) and sadness.  I'm trying to move towards acceptance, but it's not a simple or quick thing.  Any day now, I'm sure... .  Anyway, reading posts from people who went through a similar progression, or were dealing with similar things, made me feel a lot more normal. 

Good luck and I hope to see you here more.