Introduction

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hello all - My husband was recently diagnosed with BPD, although, since I spent over a decade working with seriously mentally ill individuals, I've known he was Borderline for quite some time, altho I didn't find out until after we were married. It's good to finally get him a dx, but doubt he will follow through with treatment, since he doesn't follow thru on anything. Absolutely at the end of my rope with the abuse from Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde. We've been together for 4 years - the first 2 were great - the last 2 awful. We have no children, I am permanently disabled with chronic pain and mobility problems and living on Social Security Disability, so divorce/separation is not financially feasible. Even briefly leaving my home during one of his outbursts is not even possible sometimes. I try to stay positive and help him with his illness, but EVERYTHING ALWAYS revolving around him is too much sometimes. I have needs and wants of my own. Unfortunately, I love him, but know my life would be better if I didn't. I desperately need some support.

[bananas2]

Hello all - My husband was recently diagnosed with BPD, although, since I spent over a decade working with seriously mentally ill individuals, I've known he was Borderline for quite some time, altho I didn't find out until after we were married. It's good to finally get him a dx, but doubt he will follow through with treatment, since he doesn't follow thru on anything. Absolutely at the end of my rope with the abuse from Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde. We've been together for 4 years - the first 2 were great - the last 2 awful. We have no children, I am permanently disabled with chronic pain and mobility problems and living on Social Security Disability, so divorce/separation is not financially feasible. Even briefly leaving my home during one of his outbursts is not even possible sometimes. I try to stay positive and help him with his illness, but EVERYTHING ALWAYS revolving around him is too much sometimes. I have needs and wants of my own. Unfortunately, I love him, but know my life would be better if I didn't. I desperately need some support.

[Turkish]

Hi bananas2,

It sounds frustrating to be stuck in more ways than one. Based upon my own small experiences, he's probably lacking in empathy, focused upon his own needs.

You sound like you're struggling with loving him; who he was, who he is, and the switch (splitting) is confusing. It concerns me that you had to leave to get away from it already. Overall, do you feel safe?

If he's recently diagnosed with BPD, that could contribute to an escalation in his emotional dysregulations. Is he in treatment? If so, how is that going?

I encourage you to take a look at the lessons to the right of this board. Understanding the illness is the first step, and the materials there can help you further, as well as the support from senior members here who are "fellow travelers," so to speak.



Turkish

[sassed5791]

HI!  I am also new to this site so hopefully we both find the support we need.  Like you, I had worked with mental illness and knew my husband had BPD long before he would acknowledge it to get help.  He blamed me for a long time as did his therapist.  The therapists only know what the BPD tells them so I was always made to look like the bad guy.  I understand loving the one side of him and being suffocated and drained lifeless by the other.  These LOVE/HATE highs lows will set any non BPDs head spinning.  I have dealt with mine for 11 years and still going strong.  Believe me, there have been times I have HATED my life. I have DETESTED my husband, he has embarrassed me, he has disappointed and hurt me and infuriated me but I know the man I love is in there and deserves to be loved just like any non BPD deserves love.  I have a different way of thinking as my daughter suffers from PB manic depression as well and I have the same feelings for her.  The two in the same house will make me want to run out the door but since my BPD is extremely codependent and has his abandonment issues, I do not get that luxury.  So I sit among the two of them, as they hate each other for the exact same personality traits the other one possesses and I soon feel like I am the one in the looney bin. But I hope one day someone will love my daughter as she deserves to be loved too.  I also have two other teens in the house one her little sister and the other, the closest thing to a best friend that my child can have.  We took custody of her when her dad died of alcohol poisoning and her mom went to prison for drugs.  My house is so much chaos.  My daughter does not "play well with others" and is very non sociable and this girl had been her bf since they were very little. Anyway, that is the short of it.  I have lots of listening in me and sometimes will  just need to vent my frustrations but we are all battling the same battles!