Two letters in the mail two weeks after BPD ex showed up unannounced

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I received two letters in the mail from my ex after she showed up drunk at my house. The contents are difficult to decipher. She wrote that she truly loves me and other people tell her to go out and date but she does not want to. She asked what we were doing because she did not know what we are doing. She said she knew I blocked her number and that made her want to talk to me even more. The letters made me sad. She wrote a lot about the close connection we have and that she misses me all the time. I know she is texting other men and hanging out. So I should just maintain NC and stay strong even though I do love her. I broke up with her and I was hanging out with another woman because I could not think any more. Can anyone offer advice about this? I do truly love her but she has serious substance abuse issues and I am trying to live sober. This has all been confusing and I feel like i hurt her and I need to be there for her. She wanted me to write her back if we could not speak on the phone. All I need is advice. Everytime I have any kind if contact I just feel pain and sadness. I miss her.

[Greenleaf23]

I received two letters in the mail from my ex after she showed up drunk at my house. The contents are difficult to decipher. She wrote that she truly loves me and other people tell her to go out and date but she does not want to. She asked what we were doing because she did not know what we are doing. She said she knew I blocked her number and that made her want to talk to me even more. The letters made me sad. She wrote a lot about the close connection we have and that she misses me all the time. I know she is texting other men and hanging out. So I should just maintain NC and stay strong even though I do love her. I broke up with her and I was hanging out with another woman because I could not think any more. Can anyone offer advice about this? I do truly love her but she has serious substance abuse issues and I am trying to live sober. This has all been confusing and I feel like i hurt her and I need to be there for her. She wanted me to write her back if we could not speak on the phone. All I need is advice. Everytime I have any kind if contact I just feel pain and sadness. I miss her.

[Lou12]

This all depends on what you want and are willing to tolerate?

Are you asking if she has totally changed and now knows what she wants then I'd say no! Maybe she does now but in my experience it only lasts until she has secured you.

Her behaviour displays very typical BPD behaviour.

Has she done this in the past? If so how has her cycle played out? Maybe looking at her past behaviour regarding a recycle can help you see where it is likely to go? X

[OnceConfused]

did she ever mention about the pain she has caused you? if yes, how will she willing to change ?

Reminiscing about the past does not change what have happened and will not change what could happen in the future. I had some good times with the xBPDgf but the bad times outweighed the good.

You have left so you must have had good reasons to do so. Have anything changed since you left?

[Greenleaf23]

She wrote that this time apart was good for both of us and that she was exercising and working on herself. She said she never did anything to intentionally hurt me and only wanted me to be happy. She apologized for texting and calling when drunk. So I do not know if she is being sincere. She went to see her mother and said she had taken the breakup hard. So I do not know. My main concern is how to interpret her motives.

[Greenleaf23]

Ok I have decided to put all of this behind me. I thought this crazy woman gave me hiv. So I am just going to change my phone number and start over in a new town. I am done.