I broke NC after 43 days

[Suspicious1]

I'm not convinced BPD is about control, but abuse certainly is. A desire to control is the cornerstone for all abuse, and that includes silent treatments, threats etc etc etc.

And yes, people do recycle after things like that. Mine recycled after TOTALLY going off the rails, implying I was harassing him because I tried to get him medical help and things like that. Yep, once I was split white he was full of grovelling apologies. Lasted another three months before he cut me again.

[GreenEyedMonster]

If you rely on other people to provide your self-esteem, you have to control them or hate yourself.  That's why I think it's about control.

His total fear of me is mind-blowing.  You would think that seeing me in person was worse than death itself.  I am convinced that he posted the thing about the PPO on Facebook not because he intends to get one (or even thinks he can), but because he was hoping it would filter back to me through mutual friends and scare me into staying away.  He is frightened to communicate with me.  He knows if he mails me another letter, I can take him to court for a PPO.  He is afraid that however he contacts me, it will open up communication and I will be able to contact him back.  So he stays silent out of fear.  Posting on Facebook and letting friends go ballistic in my inbox was the ultimate win for him -- sending a message without communicating at all.

He had his psychologist appointment today and I would kill to know what happened there.  Is the psychologist enabling him, or starting to realize something is really wrong here?

He has now eliminated almost his entire social life so that I won't know where he is.  He is that afraid.

I have also disappeared from all social media he can see.  Funny thing.  He is still watching me.  Recently.  There is nothing to watch, though.  I wonder if my disappearance will make him even more paranoid, or make him finally feel abandoned and paint me white.  Hmmm.

[rotiroti]

If you rely on other people to provide your self-esteem, you have to control them or hate yourself.  That's why I think it's about control.

His total fear of me is mind-blowing.  You would think that seeing me in person was worse than death itself.  I am convinced that he posted the thing about the PPO on Facebook not because he intends to get one (or even thinks he can), but because he was hoping it would filter back to me through mutual friends and scare me into staying away.  He is frightened to communicate with me.  He knows if he mails me another letter, I can take him to court for a PPO.  He is afraid that however he contacts me, it will open up communication and I will be able to contact him back.  So he stays silent out of fear.  Posting on Facebook and letting friends go ballistic in my inbox was the ultimate win for him -- sending a message without communicating at all.

He had his psychologist appointment today and I would kill to know what happened there.  Is the psychologist enabling him, or starting to realize something is really wrong here?

He has now eliminated almost his entire social life so that I won't know where he is.  He is that afraid.

I have also disappeared from all social media he can see.  Funny thing.  He is still watching me.  Recently.  There is nothing to watch, though.  I wonder if my disappearance will make him even more paranoid, or make him finally feel abandoned and paint me white.  Hmmm.

Hey GEM,

How do you all of this information about his appointments and such?

Secondly, I know it's tempting to figure out what they're thinking, but sometimes it could be quite the contrary. It's difficult to make sense of a pwBPD's thought process as the underlying symptoms make emotions switch rapidly.  (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=140819.0)

[GreenEyedMonster]

I can only guess at his intentions, of course, but he is not the kind of person to make idle threats.  Once he gets it in his head that he has to do something, he usually does it.  So I can assume that he didn't necessarily intend to get the PPO.  He was either venting, hoping, or communicating with me by proxy.

I know when his appointments are because they have been the same for the past few years, and I know when it is from when we were in a relationship.

[GreenEyedMonster]

Well, here we go.

A week later, he has seemingly forgotten his desire to get a PPO against me, and has e-mailed my friend group announcing that he's coming back to our parties.  Is this the beginning of a recycle?

I'd like to see him explain his desire for a PPO to my father . . .

[HappyNihilist]

A week later, he has seemingly forgotten his desire to get a PPO against me, and has e-mailed my friend group announcing that he's coming back to our parties.  Is this the beginning of a recycle?

GEM, how do you feel about him coming back to the group parties?

What is your plan going forward for dealing with him or not dealing with him?

[GreenEyedMonster]

I just got this news a couple hours ago, so to be honest, my head is spinning.  The friend who told me swore me to secrecy about it.

Just like clockwork, he's reaching out to see if we're still there.  I honestly think that he triggered his own abandonment fears by being such an a__hole.

I know on some level I am still attracted to him.  So there's that.

My ex (different one) with whom I spent over a decade of my life is coming to visit me from another state.  So there's that.

I'm kind of sort of halfheartedly maybe starting to see someone else, but I'm not particularly fond of him.

I know that exBPD has burned bridges with my family, particularly with my dad, that will probably never be put back.  So there's that.

Then there's the BPD and all that that entails.

I'm kind of of the mindset that I'm not interested in a serious relationship with anyone right now, so I think that I might just focus on myself.  I have a few good things going on in my life right now that will be taking up a lot of my time and attention in the next few weeks.  I am going to try to focus my thoughts on those things.  I will be interested to see if he is apologetic or not.  If he apologizes, I will forgive him, because that is my personal code of ethics and consistent with my values.  If he wants to just be friends, I will be happy to bury the past and play some card games with him.  If he wants more than that, he better have more to offer than just forgetting what happened.  He might also want to show that he's willing to face my parents.

I am debating right now if I am ready to see him yet or not.  Maybe I will let him see our friends a bit without me and see how that goes.  I have other things to keep me busy, like an upcoming trip with a friend. 

It's funny.  Y'all told me that people recycle at the exact moment that you get on your feet and feel good without that person.  Funny how you were totally right.

[GreenEyedMonster]

Update:

My ex has RSVPed for a party on Saturday night with our friends.  Our hosts have informed me that he's agreed to see me there.

The plot thickens.