I'm triggered. I don't know if that's the way to explain it.

[Modron]

It's selfish on my part. It stems from ongoing anxiety that is not completely a result of our relationship given that I was raised in a BPD home. My wife went home to visit family and friends for the weekend. When we got together it made sense for her to move here, but always with the hope and understanding that she would make frequent visits "home". I'm very introverted and she's very extroverted. I cannot provide the social interaction she needs, and making friends here when she has perfectly good friends back home has been challenging. Plus we knew she'd be making frequent trips because her father who recently passed away had suffered from a long illness.

I get all of this, it's that I feel like we make progress in our own relationship and these trips set us back. She and her mother have issues that flip her back to being a damaged child. She and her sister constantly vie for attention. The sibling rivalry is absurd. (We're between the ages of 50 and 80.) Then she choses to spend time with her friend who, I think, is the shallowest and least respectful. When she gets home it's like she's in a trance. Or it's like she's performing a part in a play. Our conversations have no give and take. I, barely, get a word in edgewise. I'm not totally sure what the script is, but it's like she's a character delivering lines rather than a relatable person.

Frankly, as I said, it adds to my insecurity, because I get so afraid that some of the problems we're trying to overcome will flair up again.

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