My grandson has just been diagnosed with BPD

[Parents! Get help here!]

My seventeen year old grandson has been in therapy and had repeated hospitalizations x 4 years.  Now he has BPD diagnosis.  It just seems so hopeless.  Nothing is getting better and the last few months has been torture.  He has been inpatient more than out and medicated with so many drugs sometimes he is in a stupor.  Is there help anywhere?

[Mommaw09]

My seventeen year old grandson has been in therapy and had repeated hospitalizations x 4 years.  Now he has BPD diagnosis.  It just seems so hopeless.  Nothing is getting better and the last few months has been torture.  He has been inpatient more than out and medicated with so many drugs sometimes he is in a stupor.  Is there help anywhere?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Rapt Reader]

Oh, Mommaw09    I'm so sorry your grandson is having so many troubles; it's so painful to watch our loved ones with BPD self-destruct right before our eyes, and feel like there is nothing we can do to help them... .All of the parents and grandparents on the Parenting Board can feel your pain, and know exactly what you are going through. I'm so very glad that you found us!

There is help here, on this site; please check out the links to the right-hand side of this page. The TOOLS and THE LESSONS will give you a very good overview of what your grandson is going through and why, and wonderful tips on how to help him and improve your family's situation. I do know that they have all helped me immensely with my own adult (38) son who was diagnosed with BPD in April of 2013.

He also was hospitalized multiple times (for Suicidal Ideations and a Heroin addiction), before his stay at a Dual Diagnosis Center where he was finally diagnosed with BPD, and taught the skills to deal with it. He has been in recovery from his symptoms and behaviors ever since then, and has been clean and sober since March of 2013. He is still in Treatment (Out-Patient, Psychiatrist, meds, etc.), but is putting one foot in front of the other each day and doing well 

Does your grandson live with you? What were the circumstances leading to his hospitalizations? Now that he has been diagnosed with BPD, is he still in Therapy? Is he home now? Something that has been VERY helpful for my own son and his recovery has been Neurofeedback Therapy that he began about 2 weeks after being discharged from the Dual Diagnosis Center.

I do know how hopeless his situation can seem; I do remember, during my son's darkest days, thinking that life just was too hard for him, and I couldn't see any light at the end of the tunnel for him. And then the diagnosis happened, he realized just what his problems were, and decided to accept help for them. It may seem impossible right now for you to see your grandson getting to that point, but it seemed impossible to me, too, prior to April of 2013... .Please hang in there, Mommaw90 

[Mommaw09]

Thank you.  Just found out my grson is being transferred to residential facility Mon.

We got to see him and take him Red Lobster tonight.  His birthday was in Sept but he was hosp so this was his birthday meal.  He loves shrimp, so we took him a double order.

He is so sad.  Says he feels hopeless.  Is there any treatment that helps?  This will be his 2nd time in residential in 5 months.  They talk about "working" in therapy.  What is that?  What can he work on?  He has been on major meds and been almost a zombie off and on for 2 yrs.  

I just need to know of someone who actually got better.  He is so down he is very suicidal.  I dont know how he can go on like this.  How we can go on.

He was diag with depression 4 yrs ago and never got better, only worse.  Anxiety is paralyzing for him.  We can see how agitated he is a lot of the time.  He can get very angry very fast.  He had a fight at school and assaulted his Dad, my son, in the car and only God knows how my son was able to pull over and not wreck.

His parents were divorced when he was 6 yrs old and both remarried within last 4 years.  His step parents are fed up but try to not show it.  He has one full brother and his Mom and step dad had twins 18 mos ago.  He says he loves his sibs but feels left out in both families.

I just don't want him to commit suicide, but so afraid he will if given a chance. 

Thanks again for responding.

[lbjnltx]

Hello Mommaw09,

It is so sad to watch our family members suffer and get worse, it does feel like there is no hope. 

My daughter, 19 in 3 weeks, was in Residential Treatment long term at the age of 13/14.  She learned the skills to cope with her intense emotions, skills to challenge the thinking errors that drove those intense emotions and emotional reactions and changed her belief system. 

The key is getting the right fit for your grandson, the family also addressing their lack of skills/knowledge/understanding, and staying in the program long enough to implement long term change. 

Do you know what kind of treatment he will receive at the RTC and how long his stay is expected to be?

lbjnltx

[Mommaw09]

They say probably 2 -6 months in residential.  Last time he stayed 5 weeks and that did not do it. 

When researching BPD I found Dr Blaise Aguiere and DBT.  But I don't know if that will be his treatment.  What works?

He doesn't seem able to grasp how to do the cognitive therapy.  He doesn't know what to do when he is losing it.  He just seems to want to end the pain now

[lbjnltx]

The most affective therapeutic component for my daughter was equine therapy and Positive Peer Culture.  There were DBT components implemented in her individual therapy sessions.  What works is what works for the individual. 

Looking at the facility and what kind of therapy they use can give you some idea if (based on your knowledge and understanding of grandson) this is the best facility for him.  Do the parents have any choice in facilities?

lbj

[Mommaw09]

Not much.  There were 2 approved but only one has a bed for him.