My recent ER visits and my BPDw

[Samuel S.]

I recently have had chest pains. I tried to discount them by thinking of the bad air, maybe something I ate, etc. I didn't tell my BPDw, because if it is not about her, it doesn't exist. So, I went to see the doctor who examined me, ordered an ambulance for me, and they took me to the ER where everything turned out to be normal. Then, I told my BPDw I did that. Then, I discharged.

Yesterday, the chest pains continued much more so. I then had to go directly to the ER where I spent the night. After monitoring, x-rays, and a CT scan, it was determined that I have a chest wall inflammation caused either by a cold which I have not had for over a year or an upper chest surgery which I had in 2001 due to fluid around my heart. So, that's probably the culprit.

While I was waiting yesterday, I called my BPDw about what was going on. She tried her best to convince me to leave, because she felt I would be better at home, that there are germs in the hospital, and that I would sleep better at home. I told her I was feeling bad, but she could not listen. I eventually had to say that I needed answers. She eventually was resigned to the fact that she was not going to convince me. BTW, she was out of town doing her studies. I obviously was less important than her studies, but I don't care. My health matters to me.

Now that I am back home, she is still at school out of town and is resigned to the fact that my health matters to me. She has given some suggestions which I appreciate, but there is always the undertone that she knows best. UGH!

[Ceruleanblue]

So, she wanted you to go home, but she herself was away? So, she wanted you to go home, with chest pains, to an empty house? Wow, that is cold. I'll never quite understand the skewed logics(or lack thereof), that go along with BPD.

It's good that you did the follow up, and that you got a full workup. You'd think she'd be all for that. At least you have the right attitude. They might lack the empathy to truly take care of us when we need it, which is why self care is so important.

I hope you chest is feeling better today. You stood up for yourself, and didn't let her ideas of what you should do sway you either, which is a good thing. You can love someone, but not hand them total control, which is something I've learned the hard way.

[OnceConfused]

Ceruleandblue was right. Being home alone with a chest pain is not a GOOD COMBINATION. Being right at the ER room with a chest pain is the right move.

Your wife recommendation seemed purely about her ego, about how much she knew and how she knew better than others.

That is one thing about BPD that I was scared of the most, was the fear that one day when I would be older, and sick, BPD would not be there for me.

HOpe you feel better today. Take lots of vita C

[Samuel S.]

I appreciate your feedback and your support. Yes, we all need to take care of our own health, no matter who is around us. As for my own health right now, I still have the chest pains, although I am taking Ibuprofen as the doctor prescribed. So, I am going to go to my primary doctor. Nothing is wrong with my heart, but there is definitely something going on with my lungs. So, we shall see what happens next. My BPDw has asked sometimes about my chest pains, if I have had them, and I have told that I continue to have them.

Just tonight, she did a lot of rationalizations about an ex-brother-in-law who unfortunately became an ex due to his deceptions about money with his wife. Well, he passed away unfortunately just recently, and there is going to be a memorial in about a week. My BPDw has decided not to attend, because her sister has been a taker instead of wanting to give back. Yes, this is conditional love on my BPDw's part. Granted, he did some wrong things, but her sister is putting on the memorial for him, for herself, for their daughters, for other family members, and for friends. My BPDw wants to show her lack of support by not attending, because she is angry at her sister. She also wants to work or to study that day, that she feels that she can use her time more wisely in her own mind. Yes, she is very selfish and inconsiderate of her sister and her nieces.

Nevertheless, my BPDw's other sister and I are going to the memorial out of respect to all concerned.

Another bizarre part of the same conversation tonight, she talked about a friend of ours whose brother passed away from a heart attack a few years back. He disregarded the warning signs unfortunately. My BPDw then said that he should have gone to the doctor when he was starting to have the warning signs.

WELL, when I recently went to the ER, she was the one saying that I should go home, get a good night's sleep, and that I would feel better more than likely the next day. Nevertheless, I followed my gut instinct to take care of my health, which she proudly has professed that I should always do, unless it is in complete contradiction to her warped way of thinking. I could have said something about her inconsistencies, but I am sure I would get more rationalizations out of her mouth. Absolutely crazy! Would she rather that I remain at home by myself, have a heart attack, and die as well? I don't think so, never in a million years!

[OnceConfused]

samuel:

your post truly reflects the state of mind that BPD is in. So contradictory. That is why we cannot guess their actions. That is why we all suffer CONFUSION, FRUSTRATION, and worst of all the constant FEAR of walking on eggshells.

The memorial is really a form of closure for her sister, and being a sister your wife should be there to show some moral support. Instead your wife chose to study. WHAT THE HECK ... .

For 22 years I was married to a normal woman, then after her death, I stumbled on a r.s with the xBPDgf. Well, BPD hit me straight on like a brick, and without any prior experience I became so confused. For me, 6 months being with xBPDgf was like an eternity in hell, and  I cannot imagine the life of those who live with BPD for years and years.