Help...Ex defaming every ounce of me in court

[Mrs. Hyde]

I was awarded temp custody last August.  My ex has supervised visits.  BPDex is on his 3rd attorney and she is slanderously trying to take me down.

He blatantly lies.  My attorney seems non reactive but I feel like there needs to be some damage control from everything being manipulated.  He has money.  I don't.  I am getting worn down by this.  We have had 2 psych evals and now the judge ordered a GAL... .more money.  I'm so worn out and I feel scared. 

[ForeverDad]

If he is on supervised visits in the temp order, then it is clear he's not in a strong position.  His lawyer seems to be doing what many our our ex-spouses have done, trying to make us look worse than them.  An illustration is like throwing spitballs hoping one or two might stick.  As distressing as it is to experience it, generally court and the assorted professionals probably have a general idea of what's happening, good long term, but won't go out of their way to minimize it, painful short term.

Since this is his third attorney, the odds are this latest one doesn't have a great reputation with the other lawyers and court.

[Godslove]

I feel the same way. I am scared. what is GAL? I have a temporary hearing and I am afraid I might not get primary physical. I have them since separation (one and a half years) but I got letter today from BPD lawyer they want shared custody and he is moving to my area. I lost trust on lawyer after the first mediation. He is a mediation lawyer not much of a trial lawyer: he can and says is willing to but he is non-reactive even when BPD's lawyer barked at me with lies during the mediation. I even told my L. I didn't hire him as a mediator but my L.) What will happen at temporary hearing? I am not a well spoken person (English is not my first language) while BPD is a supervisor of sales people. His L. is incredibly aggressive while my L. is not. Nobody believes me he has two faces! except the counselors who had seen us for eight years...  

[ForeverDad]

Godslove, you may want to ask your questions in your own topic so we don't get cross-posting between two members in need.  However, regarding your need, we generally recommend that you have an assertive and proactive lawyer who you have no doubt will speak up for you, which you don't have with this one.  If you interview some prospective lawyers and change to a new lawyer, it would be better to to do it sooner than later.  The new lawyer might even ask for a 'continuance' to delay the hearing so that the lawyer has time to get up to date on your case.

Do you have Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder by Bill Eddy and Randi Kreger?  It's a required handbook for we who are linked to BPD World.  Browse the various topics on our Book Reviews and Articles boards.

It's not unusual for the other parent to ask for the sun, moon and stars.  (Lawyers always tell their clients they will ask for far more than they expect to get, it's a tactic.)  Since you've had majority parenting time for a year and a half, it would be extremely hard for him to take "primary physical" away from you.  Courts generally are very reluctant to make major changes to the parenting schedule or parenting history without major reasons to do so.  Usually it is based on documented or risks of child abuse, neglect or endangerment.  Since I doubt he can make such allegations against you, you shouldn't face that risk.  So stand firm for you YOU believe and know is best.

If he's going to move closer, then he may be able to get more time, unless you can provide reasons why he should have less than what is 'standard' for non-primary parents... .alternate weekends (usually 2 days or 3 days at most) and an evening or overnight in between.  Equal time may be a risk, depending on the defaults you court encourages, but him gaining majority or primary ought to be unlikely.  Having a good lawyer firmly on your side and willing to stand up and fight for you would be even better.  I worry that your current lawyer would walk into court ready to make a deal regardless of the facts.  It is very, very difficult to negotiate with an entitled, manipulative, smooth-talking Ex who doesn't know what 'negotiate' is.

But... .your current lawyer appears to be a person who is more than willing to make a settlement where too much gets Gifted away to BPD simply because BPD probably won't agree to anything less than huge concessions.  That is one reason I and others have commented that often we will get a better decision from a judge rather than a settlement with the Ex.  However everyone (judges, lawyers, GAL, counselors) are used to making settlements with reasonably normal parents and so they figure settlements are always better - and easier for them.  Be prepared for that subtle and not-so-subtle pressure.  After all, when it's over they'll go on with their lives, they don't have to live with a lousy deal, you do.  But you know better, you know that "It Never Ends", that concessions probably make the Ex feel you have weakening boundaries and the Ex may push harder.  So take time to consider any offers, perhaps even ask your trusted friends/family or members here for our objective observations and alternate solutions.

GAL - Guardian ad Litem - This is a lawyer, counselor or other professional assigned to speak for the children's best interests.  Court generally professes ignorance about the case and so it leaves it to the lawyers, evaluators, social services and other professionals to provide information and recommendations.