when is it over

[jasonb]

I finally got the nerve to break it off. She started spewing drama,guilt erc. Finally she left. I thought she was looking for an apartment. She said goodbye. Its never goodbye. Calling messaging texting. Wtf. Its over leave me alone.

[OnceConfused]

simply don't read the text and answer the phone. after a few times, she will know it is truly over

[JQ]

Hey Jasonb,

i see that you're rather new to the group ... .First ... .take a deep breath ... .slowly let it out ... .I can tell you're a little stressed as all of us have been. I had to go back and read your other post to get some background on the situation. I know how you feel ... .I like most if not all of us have been where you are and it's tough without a doubt. But you'll get through it like the rest of us.

Like you I was told by my therapist I was a "care giver, perfectionist, Knight in Armor" ... .choose your metaphor.  I have come to learn that my mother is BPD, in addition to my younger sister who's husband is like us ... .a codependent. It's been an eye opening ride on the crazy train roller coaster for sure.

I've come to learn that one of my very first girlfriends was a unBPD ... .her father thought she had bipolar disorder & paranoid schizophrenia ... .that was about 20 years ago before BPD was really out in the mainstream. I could tell you stories ... .but I'll spare you most of the details. Lets just say I feared for my life ... .she had access to a 9mm & was overheard by a law enforcement friend of mine, "if I can't have him no one will" ... .soo ... .it took me leaving state, in the military & threaten to call FBI after months of harassment phone calls / stalking. I thought after about 3 years of that she finally gave up ... .until ... .I recently spent some time back home to take care of my mother due to health concerns. She had worked her way into her life & my sister life in order to get updates on me. I found out from them that she had been "tracking" me for years and wanted to see me. I avoided it as long as I could ... .but both BPD family members "arrange" an "accidental encounter" ... .nothing good came after that. She got my phone number from my mother and started to call & text ... .but now we have these wonderful thing called smart phones and I can block both. I highly recommend that you do both ... .that way you don't have to worry about answer a text or phone call and the anxiety level you have should come down a bit. You have to go full NC if you want to break it off ... .nothing short of that will work ... .in my experience.  Block her on all social media or take down your profile for a period of time if there are mutual friends so she can't get any intel on you if your friends don't know the whole story.

Be strong ... .as most of us in the group will tell you that any break up is tough ... .breaking up with someone who has BPD is even tougher ... .with both parties. There will be times that you miss the hell out of her after remembering certain periods that were good ... .at those times you have to remember the bad times & remember the reasons you knew it wasn't going to work out and you had to go your separate ways.

Get out of your apartment as often as you can ... .call old buddies you haven't talked to ... .go out with a buddy on Saturday or Sunday for a burger & a beer. Come back here and vent, get ideas, whatever it takes to get you to a better place. Most of us have found if you vent your frustrations how therapeutic it can be ... .and there is something to be said of the old saying, "octor heal thyself" ... .not that you're a doctor but talking through some things can do wonders for your soul, mind and certainly body. Come here & vent and it can do wonder for the stress your body is going through right now. Get out and do something physical ... .go to a college football game ... .hey go to your local high school game on Friday's. Get out for a run ... .a bike ride ... .a hike ... .bowling ... .take in a ballgame before the seasons is over. Go out with your buddies for pizza ... .stay busy ... .keep your mind occupied ... .reduce the stress on your body by getting out and doing something physical ... .come here to vent because it helps you feel better getting it off your chest and you know none of us are going to judge you ... .

take care of yourself above all else ... .

JQ