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[rebourne817]

 

I have a 15 year old daughter who has been diagnosed and even hospitalized many times with BPD. Even so much as being hospitalized... .long term... for 7 months away from us to help her try to learn to deal with her feelings and for us to learn how to deal with her condition.

I have seen traits of this disorder in myself as well. But believe that the sperm donor has more in common with her. (She doesn't have a relationship with him at all at this point)

The diagnosis and the resulting behavior and struggles are causing a very real strain on our family. Of particular note is my husband (her step-father) who has only been a part of our lives for 4 years. He has been the target of a lot of her behaviors (false accusations) and the relationship between them is a struggle. Understandably.

My other daughter shows a lot of traits of this disorder without being full blown with it. (not cutting or attention seeking behaviors).

I struggle with fear of her having an "episode". It just scares me to death. AND with my traits, that is not good for me, her or the family at large.

Therapy is lacking. I don't know if they are not sure how to deal with this particular disorder or they don't fully understand the impact it is having on the family.

We have very little time to devote to therapy and this disorder as we are both working parents and just trying to maintain and give our daughter the best chance that she can get. Of which she seems oblivious or just plain does not care.

Any help, advice or helping us comprehend would be greatly appreciated.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hello Rebourne817,

Welcome to the Parenting Board.

I'm sorry to hear that the inpatient care did not result in long term improvements for your daughter.  What kind of therapy has she had and did you also participate with her in therapy?

My daughter was dx at 12 w/emerging BPD.  While we don't  have the ability to change our kids, it helps tremendously to learn coping and communication skills ourselves.  Having a working understanding of the her struggles as a teen with traits of the disorder helps us better understand our daughter's needs and how to help meet them and help them learn healthier ways to get their needs met.

lbjnltx

[Butterflygirl]

I struggle with fear of her having an "episode". It just scares me to death

I really identify with this. My son hit me once when we were living together and I live in fear of his rage. I have leaned when a BPD rage is happening to back down and let him vent. I want to just put him out of the house but he breaks down doors.

My son's trigger is perceived rejection. And I do mean perceived. His "original wound" is abandonment so when he feels rejected, even if it is in his imagination, he goes crazy.

The thing is, I hate backing down. It makes me feel codependent. I have a will of my own and I don't ant to cower before him. But the alternative is worse.

I have tried to separate from my son, but he is addicted to me and I am afraid to go to far so I am stuck for now.

This is not to say I cannot say "no." I am learning to do this. But if it triggers a rage I have to "walk on eggshells."

You have my sympathy. For me it is comforting to know I am not alone. I hope that brings you solace as well.

Consider strengthening your faith with regard to things you cannot change like the fact your child has this debilitating  disorder.

Butterflygirl

[madmom]

Hello Rebourne817 and welcome, I know what it is like to be a working parent, mom and homemaker with no time for therapy, so I would HIGHLY recommend that you spend some time with the lessons and tools you see on the right hand side of this page.  Using SET and other communication tools was a real game changer for my husband and I in dealing with our daughter.  I found the things here so helpful, much more than the therapies and books I had read.  Although, those were good too.  You are not alone.