Blind Betrayal

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

So I was with my ExBPD for 8 months before we split up out of nowhere and for no good reason. She spends the next 4 months leading me along with hopes of getting back together after she worked on herself (She was in Therapy at the time but then quit it without telling me) and even after she kept on about how she wasn't interested in a relationship. I even went over to see her and even though things were awkward, she held me, kissed me and told me she was still in love with me. Fast forward a few weeks later and out of nowhere she tells me she is dating some guy.


Part of me saw this coming and I prepared myself for it. I trusted her word and hoped that she was going to stick to her guns and finally break this cycle. Her excuse to me was ":)ating isn't the same as being in a relationship". I'd had enough of these stupid excuses. I didn't get mad at her, but I did tell her exactly where this relationship was going to go and how it would play out. She called me delusional, but I'll let her learn the hard way (learn is a strong word. She won't learn ___)


She didn't heed my warnings that in doing something like this, she'd throw away the one person who truly did understand her, had the patience for her and was willing to journey through hell with her. Now I simply stand shaking my head while I watch her begin to burn herself in another fiery relationship with someone who doesn't know what they are in for. The best part is, I'm sure this guy is a friend of her friend. So WHEN she hurts him, that's going to cause a ripple in her friendship circle and she'll end up alone again.

[Mistomaple]

So I was with my ExBPD for 8 months before we split up out of nowhere and for no good reason. She spends the next 4 months leading me along with hopes of getting back together after she worked on herself (She was in Therapy at the time but then quit it without telling me) and even after she kept on about how she wasn't interested in a relationship. I even went over to see her and even though things were awkward, she held me, kissed me and told me she was still in love with me. Fast forward a few weeks later and out of nowhere she tells me she is dating some guy.


Part of me saw this coming and I prepared myself for it. I trusted her word and hoped that she was going to stick to her guns and finally break this cycle. Her excuse to me was ":)ating isn't the same as being in a relationship". I'd had enough of these stupid excuses. I didn't get mad at her, but I did tell her exactly where this relationship was going to go and how it would play out. She called me delusional, but I'll let her learn the hard way (learn is a strong word. She won't learn ___)


She didn't heed my warnings that in doing something like this, she'd throw away the one person who truly did understand her, had the patience for her and was willing to journey through hell with her. Now I simply stand shaking my head while I watch her begin to burn herself in another fiery relationship with someone who doesn't know what they are in for. The best part is, I'm sure this guy is a friend of her friend. So WHEN she hurts him, that's going to cause a ripple in her friendship circle and she'll end up alone again.

[once removed]

hey mistomaple 

i understand how much this can hurt, even when we prepare for it. my ex, while breaking up with me, volunteered that she did not want to be in a relationship with anyone else. she was already in the process.

how are you feeling today? whats your plan going forward?

[Mistomaple]

Feeling good, feeling "Normal". She is on my mind now and again, but not in a painful way. Pity is actually the word I'd use because I know how this story ends. For me it's just regular day by day, all the hurt is gone and I'm calm and at peace in my life. I'll keep going along like I was and if another deserving lady comes along then I'll be more than happy to give her my attention and time.

[thisagain]

You're right about where this new relationship is headed, but I know it still hurts. My ex did the same thing to me. Said she loved me, didn't want to be with anyone else, wanted us to just be on a little break while she got some treatment. It turned out she had already had a replacement lined up since before the breakup.

[hashtag_loyal]

I know it's hard to wrap your head around it, but you can't trust anything these people say. When she goes to/says she is in therapy, she is only saying that to manipulate you.

The BPD sufferer has no sense of self. These are people who have trained themselves their entire life to say anything or be anybody to get what they want. If she senses you want her in therapy, and she wants something from you, she will gladly tell you she is in therapy.

I know we badly want the pwBPD in our life to get better, but they will sense that and use this desire to further manipulate us.

Mistomaple, it is good that you are feeling normal and have walked away from this mess. I am certain you will find an honest, deserving lady in no time.