Please help me stay strong and away from my ex BPD BF

[Itstopsnow]

I dated this guy 18 months. When I met him he was a catholic priest and we were just friends. He was 5 years younger than me. I only knew him a brief time then he was transferred. I never looked at him in that light because he was a priest. 2 years later he contacted me. He wanted to get together for coffee. We had coffee and he started texting me often. I thought it was a little strange but he was becoming a friend. He texted me a month then asked to hang out again. I was praying for a good catholic man. I am active in my faith. We had so much fun. It was innocent at first. Then we kissed and I got upset but he told me he was leaving the priesthood. Not because of me, but because he wanted a family of his own. He started immediately talking about marriage and having a big family. He was 33and I was 37. We instantly bonded. He was very clingy and came over everyday! It was overwhelming at first but I grew accustomed to it. I felt bad that he lost his 20's. I didn't date much either so it was nice to go places. We went on 5 major vacations and so many weekend trips to Philly and NYC. It was a dream come true! He loved me so much and thought I was everything! He had very cute nicknames for me. I paid for so much because he wasn't working once he left the priesthood . In that 18 months. He developed no friends, changed 4 careers, and started to put me down and act entilted in the first month or two. Everything was what he wanted to do. He give me so many compliments but then devalue me calling me stupid f**king B*tch and idiot, told me I was retarded because I didn't go to college. We fought daily. He would make remarks about my family to bait me into a fight. I gave him everything! Even forgave a $1500 loan. It was such a stormy relationship . Nothing ever got resolved . Just circular arguments and him deflecting telling me he didn't like my tone of voice. Or what I said. Sometimes things would be great and then at the drop of a dime he would say or do something to start a fight. Sometimes we'd be in bed. And we'd be looking at each other and he would say what's wrong why are you crying ? And I wouldn't be! He would insist that I was. And almost fight me on it. He would fly into rages over simple things . So many temper tantrums. It was so draining. I tried to end things many times. But he would cry hysterically and I'd take him back. I got him two jobs and he didn't last at either. Our last big fight he was screaming at me in my face and I was cowarding on the steps saying nothing, and then he just spit in my face . With no remorse or care. He had impulsive spending habits when he did have money and started developing a gambling propensity . I don't even know who he is anymore! He is so far from the priest I once knew. He is dating a girl but said it was only the very start of dating that they aren't serious and he was hanging out with me. Why would I even entertain seeing him? I am ashamed to say I still love him or have feelings for him. This relationship was stormy at best! But we had so many trips and so many wonderful memories too. I blocked him for calling me. I need to get my dignity back! I can't go from being his girlfriend to a side piece. Even though he calling me everyday and texting me daily and telling me he talks to me and was seeing me more than he was seeing her. Right now as I'm writing this he's knocking on my door . I'm freaked out! And not answering . Has anyone had similar experiences . Or can someone give me advise . 

[Lucky Jim]

I blocked him for calling me. I need to get my dignity back! I can't go from being his girlfriend to a side piece.

Hey Itstops,

You see the red flags.    

Yes, you do need your dignity.  I admire you for caring about yourself, which is critical.  You seem to have a good sense about what is acceptable to you and what is not.

Stay strong and keep up the good boundaries.

LuckyJim

[Svarl1]

First advice:

If he keeps knocking on your door in a way that freaks you out, then call the cops. You can warn him first if you choose.

Second advice:

Look inside yourself and ask why you have any doubts about keeping away from him.

Maybe you feel nostalgic for the better times.

Or somehow responsible for helping him.

Or that you want a relationship but feel you won't find someone else better.

Or none of the above but something else entirely.

As they say, you can feel the feeling and yet remain observant of it, so your actions don't need to be driven against your better judgment.

Perhaps ask yourself where you felt a similar feeling before you ever met this man? It could be a habitual pattern in your life, and by recognising it you are on the way to overcoming it.

Stay strong.

[SandWitch]

Over a year ago I met my current BPD bf.  Tons of emails - I thought I knew him.  We spent our first night together and did not ever want to be apart.  I moved in quit my job, moved to a new city, and paid his rent with my savings. 

Charisma they have.  Ability to seem like your dream.  Perhaps they even want to be.  But we have not done any of the activities he said he shared in months. 

After each of his blow ups I gave more and more. Not out of fear for my safety but of losing his love and my home. My love is my home.   :'( Now I am saving to get out if I need to.  Down to the last moment I will be hoping for a miracle. My heart aches for his mental struggle.  I have almost become a piece of furniture and echo of him to not lose him. He is the love of my life, right? Who gives up on that? It will get better if I hang on?   

I am not saying to be unsupportive but if I don't put on my own oxygen mask I will die.  It is slow and ugly.  My counselor has helped so much.  Gradually you decide that you need less and less. I sacrificed me.  I am saving money to get out as he keeps pushing open relationship - this was discussed before we had our first date.  Monogamy is part of my heart.  Later after I moved in the topic came up that he had an open relationship in two marriages and cheated o others... According to him if I wasn't so jealous he could sleep with whoever he wants.  But I am also so supportive and loving he says. 

The only reason I would even consider saying one word to him if I leave would be because he is in therapy (which he "doesn't need because this is who he is"- an acknowledged BPD/narcissist/cyclothymic/possible DID".  Hope springs eternal but there should be a good reason to keep trying - unless I am  commited to living as a reflection of someone else.

I speak in terms of me not you should.  But you asked for help.  To forgive is Divine.  But to trust without reason when the ground has shown itself to be dangerous is . . . . "fill in your opinion here".