BPD ex has moved on; but something confuses me

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I am a bit confused. I will admit my feelings are pretty shot. I get the fact that my bpd ex moved to the stage of discarding, skewer campaign, etc. We were strained during pandemic, her anxiety was really high during pandemic, not to mention work instability during that time. Of course, we did a lot of fighting, etc. but during our relationship, I disclosed to her that one of our mutual fb acquaintances and I would talk, flirt on social media, inbox one another, etc. For the 2 + years my bpd ex snd I were together, she gave me HELL about this mutual fb friend. She asked me to delete her, block her, and everything else. She got so mad that SHE went and unfriended her. I get it’s over snd I have gone no contact. But I noticed my bpd ex has friended the girl again, LOVING her profile pics, etc. Does this mean she never loved me? Why would she do that? What if I actually did delete the girl a year or so ago, and she still friended her back and loved her pics. Even though it’s over, I’m just like why would she do that? She even accused me of sleeping with that girl. I would NEVER befriend a guy I despised and knew she liked at one point. What does this mean? That heartless.

[n2shemar]

I am a bit confused. I will admit my feelings are pretty shot. I get the fact that my bpd ex moved to the stage of discarding, skewer campaign, etc. We were strained during pandemic, her anxiety was really high during pandemic, not to mention work instability during that time. Of course, we did a lot of fighting, etc. but during our relationship, I disclosed to her that one of our mutual fb acquaintances and I would talk, flirt on social media, inbox one another, etc. For the 2 + years my bpd ex snd I were together, she gave me HELL about this mutual fb friend. She asked me to delete her, block her, and everything else. She got so mad that SHE went and unfriended her. I get it’s over snd I have gone no contact. But I noticed my bpd ex has friended the girl again, LOVING her profile pics, etc. Does this mean she never loved me? Why would she do that? What if I actually did delete the girl a year or so ago, and she still friended her back and loved her pics. Even though it’s over, I’m just like why would she do that? She even accused me of sleeping with that girl. I would NEVER befriend a guy I despised and knew she liked at one point. What does this mean? That heartless.

[Cat Familiar]

It’s not a zero sum game for people with BPD. Just because she re-friended this woman, doesn’t mean that she never loved you.

Trying to understand why an emotionally dysfunctional person does anything is not worth your time and trouble. Simply put, her motivations are more about emotion than logic.

Perhaps she knew it would get your attention to like your friend’s photos.

[Suspicious1]

My ex did something similar. There were some individuals who were giving me and him a hard time, and he didn’t want me to have anything to do with them. Then when we split, he friended them all. I concluded that when he decided he hated me and ended the relationship, he figured that he must be wrong about all those people and he somehow aligned with them. I don’t think this means he didn’t love me, just that he can’t cope with anything other than the idea that people are either all good or all bad.

[cakeandpie]

Could be one or a few things combined but some level of this stuff without question

1. She's trying to get under your skin. Probably wants you to reach out but is afraid and thus she is messing with you to stay in your head.

2. She befriended this 2nd friend specifically knowing it would mess with your head and either
- is overselling it on this 2nd friend without consent and now has a girl crush or a crush crush or some unsure version of the two mixed up but if the 2nd friend is actually a friend, she might tell you and esp would mention something about the overselling dynamic about that ex esp if she was taking up all the time

- ex might be overselling as a joke with the 2nd friend, which in this case the friend won't say much and they will giggle about it. it'll happen either way unless your friend lady is so annoyed by her but if you do not want to give that ex attention ----which is 1000% what she wants ----- this might be worth avoid the ask or waiting until much later

- if stuff didn't end well with that friend lady do not contact her bc that will be a whole thing for them.


3. ex is at some version of projecting a thing about you on this friend and also her jealousy about this lady is validated or realized bc she had the crush and wants you to know that this is the deal and wants you to wonder if they are a thing not  just wonder what her deal is


but this stuff is basic middle school girl mean girl/cool girl behavior at your expense as a part of the friendship link at a shallow level that is acceptable girl code and the ex is messing with you so she can see if you react and then either think it is a prank with the friend or assume you love her again or who knows. but i had a coworker who was this way and oversold our friendship after she and her boyfriend broke up on account of her cheating on him and being a really crap girlfriend so when she tried to claim me, i immediately checked in on him bc he needed to know this is not my consenting thing but my guess is she's projecting and overcompensating and trying to make him jealous, which he laughed at because he lived with her and so as i said to him - congratulations on at least not dealing with this all day?


good luck for real. fingers crossed they don't start shoplifting at the mall (this is a joke - i hope)