my wife now says she thinks she is probably asexual

[byfaith]

I knew something was wrong after three years of withholding sex. Aside from dealing with the BPD traits, I am really struggling, I know she is also. I have also read about sexual anorexia. Her behaviors I see towards sex resemble this the most. I know I am not a professional. She refuses any type of help. Kind of tired of all the labels the clinical world gives for everything. I told her that most frustrating part of all of this is that she refuses to get help.

I told her I didn't think the marriage would make it if she refused to get help with her problems. I know that sounds blunt, but after all this time and no progress.   

[Lucky Jim]

Hey byfaith, I suggest changing the focus back onto yourself, for a change, in order to figure out the right path out of the woods. Sometimes, we Nons get caught up in the BPD turmoil, which can be exhausting.  What is the best scenario for you?  You are the expert on you.  What are your needs?  Presumably they include having sex.   Instead of taking care of your W, try taking care of yourself.  Usually when we are caretaking someone else, we are doing it to avoid caring for ourselves.  Self-care is self-respect, in my view.

LuckyJim