Daughter starting to get sick again

[JustAMum]

My 17yr old d has been doing really well but over the last couple of weeks her mood has been sinking lower and lower. One of the signs is her wanting to take days off school to sleep. This morning was one of those days. I've taken the day off work and managed to get her in to see her psych today. I'm hoping she is completely honest with him about the way she's feeling. She has told me that she is safe but I don't believe her. Last time she promised her psych to stay safe she tried to OD. Maybe he will increase her meds. She's just started her final year of high school. I'm hoping it's not due to that. I've told her she can leave school if she wants to but she's adamant that she wants to finish. I don't think I can go through another self harming incident or another suicide attempt. It's taken me a long time to get over the last episode. I guess I will just have to be vigilant and not leave her alone. How do other parents cope? Does it get any easier when they finish school?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[esmaine]

Id love to tell you it gets easier when they leave school, but every child is different, from my own experiance with my dd who is 21 it got steadily worse when she reached the age of being legally allowed to buy alcohol and when she had more freedom, because lets face it as much as I would of loved to of kept her safe at home I couldnt lock her in.

I am going through my own hell at the moment but the only way I have found to cope is literally one day at a time and to not look too far into the future.

My dd hasnt lived with us for nearly 2 weeks but when she is here we have a lock on our bedroom door and every single thing she could harm herself is put in there even down to bleach. its just awful to have to do this but it gives us peace of mind.

[JustAMum]

Thankyou for the reply. I also try to take one day at a time. It's so hard seeing your child struggle.

[tristesse]

Hello JustAMum,

first of all I must say I love the name, because it is at best an oxymoron.

Telling you it gets easier once our children leave school would be a grave injustice. Every experience is different, each one of our are unique and all of our situations are unique to our families. The only commanality is BPD. Some of our children embrace the help and really try to get better, some of them stay locked in their own dark world looking for a way out.

You are wise to take notice of your DD's changing mood, and wise to watch vigilantly, if she is in the grip of some dark brooding place in her mind, it can go south very quickly.

[tristesse]

I'm sorry, I hit post before I was ready, I did not mean to leave the post on such a negative note. I wanted to finish by telling you that your diligence and perceptiveness is a good thing, and getting her into her Pdoc so quickly was a great move. Could have been the one thing she needed to pull it together.

My own DD is turning 32 next month, and we struggle still to this day, her issues are far more compound than just BPD, but that is a huge factor.

I wish you and your family the best, take care and don't give up.

[esmaine]

Thankyou for the reply. I also try to take one day at a time. It's so hard seeing your child struggle.

watching your child struggle is the hardest thing ever, especially when you know the help is there but they are reluctant to take it.

my dd has a lot at stake as she has been given a 3 month time limit by social services to prove she is actively working with themselves and mental health or she stands to lose her baby girl whom I am currentley caring for.

Every case is diffferent but Ive come to the conclusion with my dd that all I can do now is be constant in my love and support but the rest is up to her, I cannot force her to take her meds ( so frustrating)

[lbjnltx]

Hi JustAMum,

How is your daughter doing now? 

Do you attend therapy with her sometimes?

My daughter is now 19 and has recently been struggling with her emotions... .her episodes are rooted in physical pain that we are trying to address.  It really helps that she allows me to be a source of support for her.  She recently went back into therapy after being out for over a year (we moved) and asked me to attend with her.

Would family therapy be something you might want to participate in with her?

[JustAMum]

She seems to be coping. Her psychologist has been on maternity leave since late August. She comes back in December. She has been seeing her for over 2yrs every 2 weeks. She sees her psych every month but it has been moved to 2 weeks now. Her psych is thinking about putting her on a mood stabiliser. I worry about her being on too many meds at such a young age but if it helps her then I'm all for it. She is going to school. I know it is a struggle for her some days. She's been stable for just over 12 months... .no self harm... .that's what does my head in the most. She's been in hospital 2x needing stitches. When she harms herself its to the extreme. I have established firm boundaries. She knows that if she self harms or has another suicide attempt she can no longer live with me. I know that might sound harsh but I just can't cope with it. I've told her that she would have to live with her Dad. I know the next 12 months with her is not going to be easy. She's in her final year of school and puts a lot of pressure on herself. I know that I will have to watch her more carefully. This has been the hardest thing I've ever done... .being her mum. She can be very high maintenance.

[lbjnltx]

Is your d doing DBT? 

There are alternatives taught in DBT for self injury... .holding ice cubes, popping a rubber band on the wrist.  Has she been introduced to these alternatives?

lbj