New member - been lurking on site reading your BPD stories for over a year

[MovingOn2015]

I lived with my BPDex for nearly two decades.   We have 3 children together.  I didn't realize how all of her bizarre behavior started to seem normal until I found sites like this one and finally mustered up the courage to file for divorce and leave 2 years ago. 

Your posts here really opened my eyes when I read your life stories, stories of trying to live with, divorce, or co-parent with your disregulated BPDex. 

I will post my life experience at some point in the not distant future. It seems so huge to me.  But because of this site, I know I'm not alone! 

[livednlearned]

Hi MovingOn,

I'm glad you found support here.    I don't know what I would've done without this place -- I had a lot of good support in real life, and yet no one who knew what it was like to go through the mind-bending nuttiness of coparenting with a BPD ex spouse.

How old are your kids? What kind of custody arrangement is in place? And how are you doing today? How are the kids doing?

Post more when you feel ready 

LnL

[ForeverDad]

When you read the traits of Borderline PD, they sound almost acting-in type, sort of waif types, but in our experience those who search and search and find their way here are typically experiencing overwhelming acting-out behaviors - demands, ultimatums, manipulation, pressuring, alienation, invalidation, etc.

So without more information about you, your family and your particular pressing issues, it would be hard to tell you which options and strategies will be helpful to you.  For sure, improving your communication skills and learning how to set firmer boundaries will help you whatever your circumstances.  This board and the Staying board have tools and lessons on the right side of the screen that will help educate you.  The Staying board doesn't mean you have to Stay, for many it's a "Staying For Now" pit stop until they figure out what is best for their circumstances, just as reading on the Family Law board doesn't mean you have to divorce.  An educated member can make more informed and more confident decisions.  We are here to help, "paying it forward" just as others before us paid it forward to us.

Edit:  I just saw this other post.  Once CPS is involved, things have the potential to get very sticky very quickly.  You probably need to have some inexpensive consultations with some experienced family law attorneys to advise you on what to say or do — and what not to say or do.  The first order of business, and probably what the lawyers lawyers will tell you, is to stop the metaphorical bleeding so your case doesn't get any worse or more blown out of proportion than it already is.

I too have been lied about, alienated, stolen from, spied on and blamed for things that are grossly exaggerated or never even happened at all.  My children have also been turned against me.  I'm also involved in a CPS case accusing me of child abuse for raising my voice and sending my son to his room for disrespectful behavior when he was at my house several months back.  The report his mom submitted to the CPS case worker made it sound like he was tortured.

Your stories give me hope, especially Panda's and Boss' because you are further down the road of recovery from this insanity than I am. When you're in the middle of it as I am, your stories have given me perspective that the kids do eventually open their eyes.  I just need to take a longer view, which is tough when I'm in the thick of it as I am.

Since things are already very serious with children's services and legal involvement, you ought to post over on the Family Law board.  And don't forget to obtain ASAP one of our most helpful handbooks, Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder by Bill Eddy and Randi Kreger.

[MovingOn2015]

Being that I just became a member, I have not had the opportunity to go to the Family Law board yet, but I certainly will do so. 

I've spent years trying to figure out what affliction she has.  BPD makes the most sense by far.   Compulsive spending, twisting of facts to fit a pre-conceived notion, character assassination of others who disagree with her, splitting, alienation, false allegations, theft, and revisionist history are just a few of the things I've been dealing with for years.   I thought things would settle down after the divorce, but they seem to be getting worse.  I was just today called a deadbeat and absentee father despite losing 75% of my assets, 65% of my take home pay each week, and while I'm paying 100% of my children's medical costs, all without hesitation or reservation.  I have admittedly dialed back on seeing my kids over the past several months, but this is for my own legal protection as I go through the process of clearing my name in this unfounded CPS case.   

In hindsight I should have done things differently.  She went from accusing me of being an adulterer as the reason our marriage (as opposed to over her $100K) in secret spending that I was unaware of, to now trying to tell others that I am some sort of abuser when I've never raised my hands to my kids or to her other than in my own self defense.   

My story will be posted soon enough.   Truth is, though, it's really no different than 99% of the stories on here of a hostile venomous human being trying to scorched earth me at every opportunity.   I feel fortunate that I'm still sane and that I've been able to reclaim parts of myself that I thought had died years ago.