Feeling so guilty

[esmaine]

I dont feel like lifes worth living I have to face the prospect of putting my gd in temporary foster care.

Social services said if we could hold onto her whilst they worked with my daughter who has BPD and really bad phycosis at the moment then they could fund the childcare as I need to get back to work as Ive been off so long.  I cannot afford to lose my job as we are in a bad way financially at this time ( another story)  now they have gone back on their word and cannot help with costs at all. We have priced up childcare and its working out more than a third of my wages each month.  The other issue here is they want my d to have a minimun of 4 times a week contact with the little one but this would be immpossible anyway if I was at work.

I am so afraid of what this is going to do to my dd her mind is in such a fragile state at the moment Im scared it will tip her over the edge and the guilt I feel is unbearable

They have given her 3 months to turn things around and show she can accept help and be a good mum but I think I already know in my heart that its not going to happen and we will lose our gd forever.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[twojaybirds]

I am so sad for your position in all this, however please do not guilt yourself.

Be all you can be first taking care of yourself, then build and keep a relationship with your gd.

It may not be as you imagined, none of this  ever is, but be good to yourself, be gentle with your self-thoughts.

[lbjnltx]

Oh dear me!  The complexities never cease. :'(

What options are out there esmaine?  Here in the states we have programs like Mothers Day Out, many are run by churches.  The cost is minimal and they often have scholarships to help out families in need.  There are also programs for child care to help single moms get into the work force.  Also, looking into having a live in nanny in exchange for room and board on a temporary basis may be an option.

The barter system is in full force here as well, one parent watching another's child while they work and vice versa.

I know it is difficult to navigate all of this when you are emotionally distraught.   

None of this is your fault, taking on the blame for your daughter's inability to care for her child is misplaced guilt.  Taking on the responsibility of your grandchild is a choice you are making and I hope that you can find a way to continue to do that for the next 3 months. 

I'm a pretty strong person I think (and others tell me I am).  I want to loan you my mantra and I hope it helps you:

I can endure anything as long as I know it is temporary.

Your situation will change, it will evolve.  Change is a constant and we can be resilient and strong enough to evolve too. 

lbj

[esmaine]

Thank you for your kind words and ibj the mantra has been going around my head alot, its very helpful.

I have come the conclusion that I shall let my gd go to temporary foster care and invest my time in trying to help my daughter become the best mother she can be,  I have almost come to terms with the fact she may never have the correct mothering skills to satisfy social services and may lose her d to adoption but as long as she has some fight in her and is willing to take the help thats been offered then we have a chance.

I have found a good solicitor that can point us in the right direction and my d has been reffered to the early intervention team who deal with psychosis, so feeling a tiny bit more optomistic today.