BPD daughter

[Slwinner]

My 18 year old daughter has multiple mental health issues. She's been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder and more. I can't live with her anymore. After making some progress over the last 6 months she has reverted back to BPD behaviors. I had to call the police Thursday and Sunday because she was so out of control. If I refuse to give her money she bullies me until I do. And Thursday and Sunday I refused and ended up having to call the police. Nothing helps. She has two out patient psychiatrists, a therapist, has been in a partial hospitalization program twice, IOP five times, hospitalized 7 times over the past three years for self harm. And the cycle just keeps happening. I am ready to kick her out of the house as we are suffering. I am close to a breakdown.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[esmaine]

Hello I can relate to what you are going through and the sheer desperation you must be feeling. My d aged 21 has BPD and I have been bullied and manipulated by her for many years, treading on eggshells  trying to keep her calm and happy. We even had to put a lock on our bedroom door firstly to keep us safe from her tantrums  then when she recently took an overdose  it was to keep anything she could harm herself with out of reach. 

It took me so long to realise that I had to take control before she completely destroyed me. It's only been 3 weeks since I made this decision and took her front door key off her as she had decided to stay with her violent ex. It's not perfect but she has a roof over her head and we have respite from the constant drama. We are looking after her 16 week old baby and she has a battle ahead with social services but that's another story!

This forum has been a complete lifesaver for me and it hope you find it helpful knowing there are people going through the same kind of thing as you 

[lbjnltx]

That is a lot to deal with from an 18 year old that you have no parental authority over Slwinner! 

Do you have a therapist to help you cope and to help guide you in setting boundaries, making decisions about living arrangements/finances? 

You are in a tough place, I'm so sorry.

We can offer you support and direct you to info about BPD and the coping skills to help.  The severity of your daughter's mental illness really seems to dictate the need for personal support from a therapist... .for you as well as her.  Is she currently in a treatment program or weekly counseling?  Taking meds for her bi polar disorder?


I look forward to hearing back from you.  Hang in there!


lbj

[Slwinner]

I have a therapist. She is in an intensive outpatient program three nights a week. This is her third time doing this program.

I am her legal guardian. I applied for guardianship through the Probate Court and was granted guardianship shortly after she turned 18. While my letters of guardianship state she is incompetent it's not the same as being legally incompetent in a court of law. So far it's really only allowed me some control over her treatment. I have found that once you say you have guardianship treatment centers and hospitals want to get their legal department involved and it just bogs the process down.

My daughter was arrested for domestic violence against me and my son in May. She's currently on probation for two years. Her case was referred out of our suburban court and into the county mental health docket. They have not done much to help her other than require her to show up for probation appointments. She is not eligible for a case manager because she has health insurance through me. I have applied for SSI twice and Medicaid and both of which were denied. I am in the process of applying again.

She did not graduate from high school and is working on finishing with the help of a special arrangement I made with and education center that works with her school.

So she has no high school diploma, no job, no way to support herself yet comes and goes as she pleases. I have kicked her out and she tells me she is going to kill herself. If I call her bluff she may. I know she's being manipulative but if I make the wrong call... .

I called her probation officer today who is a social worker and specialized in mental health and I begged for help. He's going to talk to the judge. I want them to mandate residential treatment however I was told that's not likely. I said I refuse to do this IOP/PHP route once again as it's clearly not working. She needs to be in a higher level of care. Her psychiatrist agrees.

I have left no stone unturned seeking help for her. She's had at least 7 assessments at mental health care facilities and all I can get it IOP.

[lbjnltx]

All I can say is WOW!  You have really done so much for her and given it your all.

I hope that the judge will get her inpatient long term care to affect some positive change possibilities for her.  She has a lot to overcome and deal with.

We have a crisis management topic that may be of benefit to you in regards to your safety:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=272865.0

With giving so much towards your daughter's care are you taking care of your own needs and well being? 

lbj

[Tamara96]

Dear Slwinner,

Both you and your daughter have so much to contend with. I hope you are getting a lot of support.

Looks like you have have done so much to help her. She sounds very loved.

My DD attended a wilderness program that was a great stepping stone for the next level of treatment - many in young adults in her program were mandated to attend by judges, which then led to next level of long term residential treatment programs paid for by the state. Maybe the judge needs more info in hand to know what the alternative are. Just a thought.

Hoping something comes through so your daughter can get the appropriate level of care and you and your family can live more peacefully.

[Slwinner]

Thank you for all the replies. I am currently begging the court to order residential treatment for my daughter. That is truly what she needs.

Has anyone had any success with residential treatment? I am looking for a dual diagnosis facility that will take insurance.

I have researched several and learned to be very careful. Some of the treatment centers I have researched have a lot of complaints with the BBB. It's not uncommon for the person taking my phone call to get a commission if my daughter is placed. She's not for sale. I need real help from a real hospital.

[lbjnltx]

The RTC experience I have had is for adolescents.

I don't know about your insurance, mine will cover longer term stays inpatient under addiction than it will mental health. 

Are there any places that the judge might send her to that you find appropriate?  I'm assuming they would be intrastate.

lbj