Daughter with mental health issues and addiction

[Crashing surf]

So much to tell... .where do I begin.  My hands are trembling. I cant even write in full sentences so here it is:

Daughter, 19

Intelligent, beautiful, creative, funny... .has so much to give to the world

Extremely manipulative and academy award winning liar.

Diagnosed with ADHD at 13 given Adderall

Rage issues since age of 11

Had a very hard time making friends, fitting in, being understood.

Taking Adderall was the gateway for using other non-prescribed prescription drugs. Start abusing Zanax, then opiates, tried Heroin. Now she will take anything she can find.

Body image issues. Bulimic for last several years.

Unrealistic expectations of other people... distorted perception of how she is being treated by others. She was never sasified... .and I tried so hard to make her happy.

From an early age she started to blame me for her horrible life. Still believes I am the reason for her pain and suffering. That why she has tried to hurt me. More on this later... .

Always refused to go to counseling. She said she doesn't trust any of them.

Multiple suicide attempts. We had to have her committed to two mental heath facilities which only kept her for a few days and "sedated her". She had them believing that I am a very bad mom that caused all her issues.

At age 17, she finally agreed to see a new psychiatrist. She was then diagnosed with a mood disorder and anxiety. Given three more presciptions in addition to the Adderall.

She barely graduated from high school. She decided to try a college out west because she felt she needed a change and wanted to get away from the group of kids and drugs at home. I fully supported her decision and immensely helped with the process (application paperwork, loans, airline tickets, dorm shopping. packing, shipping the boxes, etc. etc etc.) She failed. It was due to the drugs but she denies that. She said she was too sick to attend class due to living in a dorm (she was constantly going to the doctor for a sinus infection,strep, etc etc etc.) It was the drugs. But she is in complete denial. She says she has a learning disorder, or she was very sick. Its always some other reason, or is looking for somebody else to blame. The college gave her extensions on completing assignments. She never did... .

She was also arrested for shoplifting... .twice.

After her first year of college, she wanted to go back and live in the town where the college is and set-up an apartment with some friends, and go to community college. We helped her. Gave her the money she needed to get started. She was doing ok at first.

But she got back into finding the drugs ... .the illegal ones.

She doesn't stay on her meds... .most important one is the Lamictal for mood disorder She makes appointments with psychatrists and doesn't show up.

I am afraid of her.

I don't know what to do anymore because I can't reason with her. I cannot convince her to get help. All she wants me to do is agree with her and send her money to live somewhere anywhere ... .she does not want to come home.

Does anybody understand what a complicated mess this is? Any advice is gladly welcome.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

It seems that the addiction issue needs to be addressed before any real progress can be made in your d19's life. 

What is your bottom line when it comes to her addiction?  It's so hard to say no when we think we are providing an opportunity for them to succeed.  The addiction will ruin it for them.  Being in denial about addiction is the same as having an addiction... .until they are faced with life altering boundaries set by others.

Dual diagnoses treatment facilities can help her if she will commit to it.

[seekinglight]

Some hard truth about drug addicts, they will say and or do what is needed to get money for drugs.

Your love for your child makes you feel you have to give her needed money for necessities but it is fueling her drug addiction. Either directly or by suplimenting her income there by making some money available for drugs.

It is a bottomless money pit until recovery or the unthinkable overdose.

I would urge you to at least begin thinking about not giving her monetary support.  It is so heartbreaking.