for those that have been to court regarding a PO or RO?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I'm just curious reading her police report there is alot of truth of course but at the same time so so many over exaggerations or just straight up lies...

I don't know if anyone can answer this but how guilty is guilty?  10 percent?  50 percent?  100 percent all facts?

I'm waiting to talk to a lawyer just curious if anyone knows

[problemsolver]

I'm just curious reading her police report there is alot of truth of course but at the same time so so many over exaggerations or just straight up lies...

I don't know if anyone can answer this but how guilty is guilty?  10 percent?  50 percent?  100 percent all facts?

I'm waiting to talk to a lawyer just curious if anyone knows

[livednlearned]

In court, in my experience, you are only guilty if you are 100 percent guilty. And the burden of proof is supposed to be on your accuser.

It's best to not say more than necessary. Many people here have a tendency to want to explain. We also tend to have an above average sense of guilt.

Also, court taught me the importance of answering the questions the way I wanted them asked. I believe this is called pivoting. My situation was a bit unusual because my N/BPDx husband was a former trial attorney representing himself. He would say, "Is it true that you made the decision unilaterally without properly consulting me... ." The court answer would be something like, "I made a decision based on the best interests of the child."

Keep in mind that in most court situations, your L will ask you questions to which the responses are often "yes" or "no" or "I do not remember." It's the other L who will try to trap you. And it's your lawyers job to object if there are any leading questions.

If you are especially anxious, it can help to attend some of the hearings that others go through in court, so you can see how things work. Usually there are a bunch of people in the court room. Sometimes, a judge will clear out a court room if there are sensitive DV or child molestation cases. Otherwise, if it is business as usual, onlookers can stay and watch.

[ForeverDad]

I am a man and father, my then-stbEx is a woman and mother.  My lawyer told me, "She's a woman, mother of a preschooler, she's posturing as a target and victim claiming harassment and stalking.  Even if we can disprove her claims the judge could still give weight to her claimed 'fearfulness' and the judge could set an order for up to 5 years.  Ponder that."

This was a case she started in civil court, filed on the same day she responded to my filing for divorce.  I'll never know how the judge would have decided.  Both sides settled.  My lawyer had asked me, ":)o you really want contact with her?"  That was easy to answer.   So we agreed to an order to stay no contact until mid-December with these four stated points: There was no Finding of Guilt.  I did not admit to any of her claims.  Our preschooler was excluded and henceforth subject to family court orders.  The order could not be extended or renewed.

It's been 10 years.  We still have virtually no contact.  My son, now a teenager, says she hates me.  Occasionally when she's in a good mood she'll want to talk a lot.  But usually she's triggered by something and doesn't want to talk.  Curse me out, yes, talk, no.  So I just keep my distance.

Back to your case... .I was never arrested but my ex was.  I was fortunate in that (1) my son wouldn't let go of me when the officers wanted me to "step away" and (2)I was also prepared with a recorder running in my pocket so it recorded her death threats, demonstrating I wasn't the aggressor.

If nothing has yet happened, count your blessings and yet be prepared in case it happens.  If your partner has threatened or contemplated making allegations, then it WILL happen, given enough time.  I could sense my spouse was starting to look at me strangely, as though I were a pervert or child abuser, so I bought voice recorders so I might have proof she wasn't fearful of me and I wasn't misbehaving.  I viewed it as insurance, hopefully never needed.  As it turned out, I did use some recording — okay, a lot, but on the down low, never triggering an incident by shoving a microphone in her face of course — but 99% were never played for the investigators, evaluators or court.

[ForeverDad]

One would expect that if there are allegations made, then the one alleging would be relatively truthful and at worst the claims would be unsubstantiated, that is, not bale to be proven true or false.  But with our sort of cases where we are being blacklisted and painted as Mr or Ms Evil Personified, it is far worse than just someone peeved at us, with the lies interlaced with bits of truth.

So what strategies are most helpful?  One way would be to overall ignore the ones with truth or bits of truth.  (Fact is, we're all imperfect and so we're likely to have done something sometime somewhere that, looking back, wasn't the smartest or wisest thing to say or do.)  Let's select the ones we can prove are wrong.  Why?  If we can demonstrate a pattern of improper exaggerations or outright lies, then we can prove it to the judge with logs, records, documents, testimony, etc and then address the court, "Your honor, I have here demonstrated that she has lied or exaggerated her claims.  I ask that the case be dismissed.

In addition, if some are older than 6 months before she made her complaints, then the court may not pay much attention to them  - viewing them as 'stale' or too old to be actionable - unless used to demonstrate a pattern.

If she has done this to prior ex-BFs then that would help your case, it would reveal her as a repeat litigant posturing as a target or victim.  Can you find any reports, complaints or records with police or courts where she has accused her prior BFs?

The point is that if you don't have to address the claims that have some truth in them, so much the better. If she loses credibility on some claims then her entire laundry list of allegations is suspect.  Doesn't mean the court won't be stern with you, it may just be less stern.

Edit:  It may be helpful to tell the court, "I had no idea that this friendship could go so far south, with the police and court getting involved.  I am not some revolving door perp, with us boomeranging back here over and over, once this is past I will not initiate a relationship with her ever again."