Is there anyway to address this? Or just let it go as a quirk.

[formflier]

I sent an email about some coordination issues around one of my kid's midterm grades. I suspected there was some missing work and it turns out there was.  Thinking that my wife might have knowledge that was useful, I emailed her about D10s grade issues in a couple subjects.  In her email response she starts off saying "I'm going to be blunt here about D10" and then I get stuff that (to me) had no bearing on grades.  She talked about what other teachers said, a gifted program etc etc.    There was nothing blunt or offensive (or helpful) about her answer.  I've also noticed that many times when she "just mentions" something to me it is abusive, blunt, direct.  Almost like there is a disconnect.  In her mind when she announces "bluntness" anything but that comes out.  And when she announces "just mentioning something in an offhand way" and incredibly piercing, blunt, direct statement comes out.  Is there anyway to address this?  Or just let it go as a quirk.  So, I've got this email that means nothing to me, do I ask for clarification or let it go.  My gut says let it go.  This reminds me a bit of Cat Familiars direct versus indirect communication thread.    My only reason for posting is that it worries me to let her know that I haven't the foggiest clue What the heck she is talking about in email she sent me and that I see no bearing/connection between D10s grades and what she wrote about.  Thoughts?                    

FF

[formflier]

 Note:  There have been several other emails and texts that are helpful, applicable and make sense.    So, that is the one thing giving me pause about just letting it go.  She was trying to communicate something and it veered off into weirdness.                    

FF

[enlighten me]

It sounds to me that she is being defensive. She may feel that you asking what you did was a criticism of her parenting and as there is no easy answer that makes her look good then she is flip flopping with her reply.

I don't know if theres a way you can phrase these things where she may not be so defensive.

Maybe something like "I know D10 can be forgetful. Did she forget to hand in some work. I was thinking this could be why her grades have dropped. Thanks".

Maybe not the best example as it blames your daughter but I hope you get what I mean.

[formflier]

  I do get that.  Point of clarity.  D10 is here with me along with some other kids.  Wife is 8-9 hours away with some of our other kids in our new location.    If anything, I would guess she was trying to be "blunt" about me screwing something up "on my watch".  Who knows  I just pick up on things when someone (especially my wife says) "I'm going to be clear here, " and anything but a clear statement comes out.                    

FF

[enlighten me]

Maybe it threw her so she flip flopped as she couldn't work out if she had dropped the ball.

She wanted to be blunt but couldn't be. Maybe she said it in the hope that something blunt would come out.