my life is destroyed by this woman

[truthbeknown]

as i write this I am looking at a notice to transfer child support from me paying my ex to the court system.  I have been financially struggling in this poor economy since the divorce and even though i am working two jobs i still have not had enough to pay full cs.   This is the only place where i feel safe to discuss this.  In the general public, the mear mention of being behind in cs begets judgement.   People don't seem to realize how people with BPD use the courts against the non.  I could go on for hours about how unfair the court system is etc. but right now i am just really scared.  I just accepted an offer on a new job and she has an almost psychic ability to know when things are starting to look up for me.  Now, with this happening I run the risk of losing my license, going to jail etc. 

I don't even have time off from work to consult attorneys and I live two states away from my kids.  I'm wondering if i should apply for a drivers license in this state before i get hauled into court.  I'm not even sure that will keep me from getting a license suspended for back child support.  It's not like i haven't tried - i have been giving her what i can and the rest goes out on bills that i need to survive.  I'm not vacationing anywhere- i work from 8-11pm every day.   I'm so tired i can't even think straight and I was hoping the new job would giving me breathing room. 

I don't know what to do. so many negative thoughts and worries running through my head right now.  I fear for my livelihood.  I'm afraid the courts and her will make me into a criminal for this.  The child support laws are ruining society right now!  It's become a debtors court like in old England.   

please help with any advise, thoughts or prayers.   I'm afraid i will not be able to afford to see my kids anymore because of this new developement.

[whirlpoollife]

Is there a separate support dept in your state?  Can you file for modification in support?

Can her income be imputed ?

[ForeverDad]

As Whirlpool asked, can you file for a modification of child support to more accurately reflect your current economic circumstances.  Probably you should have filed to fix this inequity a few years ago, I don't think these systems are 'fair' enough to reduce CS retroactively.  Ask and find out if that's possible.  As for you being behind in payments, it might help to provide documentation that you're trying as best you can but that the order was based on outdated figures.  After all, you're not the only parent paying CS that is now earning less due to the poor economy, etc.

And I agree, if she's not working and is living off your CS, then that's not right.  If she isn't working then her income ability should be imputed so the financial difference between you and your ex isn't as unfair.  These days courts are more inclined to expect the non-working parent to find a job rather than live off CS.  CS is to support the children, well, at least more so than in decades past.

I'm afraid I will not be able to afford to see my kids anymore because of this new development.

You shouldn't have to worry overmuch about court changing parenting time due to the financial issues.  Courts usually draw a bold line between parenting time and payment of child support, they're considered separate, non-related issues in most if not all states.  Of course, we're not lawyers here, we're peer support, but in most issues we've "been there, done that" and can often give you a general idea how things typically work out.

Due to living distant from the children, do you get more of the longer school holidays and summer vacation time to make up for the times you can't see them?  Often that is an accommodation made to the remote parent that can't work with alternate weekend schedules, alternate holidays and too-short 2 or 3 week summer vacations.

[truthbeknown]

As Whirlpool asked, can you file for a modification of child support to more accurately reflect your current economic circumstances.  Probably you should have filed to fix this inequity a few years ago, I don't think these systems are 'fair' enough to reduce CS retroactively.  Ask and find out if that's possible.  As for you being behind in payments, it might help to provide documentation that you're trying as best you can but that the order was based on outdated figures.  After all, you're not the only parent paying CS that is now earning less due to the poor economy, etc.

And I agree, if she's not working and is living off your CS, then that's not right.  If she isn't working then her income ability should be imputed so the financial difference between you and your ex isn't as unfair.  These days courts are more inclined to expect the non-working parent to find a job rather than live off CS.  CS is to support the children, well, at least more so than in decades past.

I'm afraid I will not be able to afford to see my kids anymore because of this new development.

You shouldn't have to worry overmuch about court changing parenting time due to the financial issues.  Courts usually draw a bold line between parenting time and payment of child support, they're considered separate, non-related issues in most if not all states.  Of course, we're not lawyers here, we're peer support, but in most issues we've "been there, done that" and can often give you a general idea how things typically work out.

Due to living distant from the children, do you get more of the longer school holidays and summer vacation time to make up for the times you can't see them?  Often that is an accommodation made to the remote parent that can't work with alternate weekend schedules, alternate holidays and too-short 2 or 3 week summer vacations.

When I was unemployed i should have gone but i didn't.  I just kept telling myself that i didn't have money for attorneys (because i didn't and still don't) so i stayed away from the courts.   

One lawyer i consulted in feb/march of this year told me to just try to earn more money and keep her happy!  He said trying to modify cs would not help me and just would flag the back cs issues.   Illinois is one of the hardest states for a non-custodial parent to get divorced-income for CP's is not considered there.  It's a corrupt state; one of the worst.  They are known for really making it unreasonable for nc parents. As far as seeing the kids its more of a financial thing.  It costs me a couple of hundred bucks in gas and food to see them and make the trip.  I'll now have to put that toward cs for the court system.  I believe the courts are almost like BPD people themselves.   If they really cared about people why wouldn't they have social workers and psychologists working with divorced couples to help resolve issues.  I will have to pray that i make enough money in my new job to pay for two households.   I don't think cs should be a mortgage payment- kids definately don't need that- cs has become like alimony disguised as help for the kids.  I spend more money on food and cloths and other stuff then my ex did when i lived in the same state.  She feeds them macoroni and cheese and bread products but has money to buy alcohol.   It's such a mess- i just get sick when i talk or think about it.

[ImaFita]

As Whirlpool asked, can you file for a modification of child support to more accurately reflect your current economic circumstances.  Probably you should have filed to fix this inequity a few years ago, I don't think these systems are 'fair' enough to reduce CS retroactively.  Ask and find out if that's possible.  As for you being behind in payments, it might help to provide documentation that you're trying as best you can but that the order was based on outdated figures.  After all, you're not the only parent paying CS that is now earning less due to the poor economy, etc.

And I agree, if she's not working and is living off your CS, then that's not right.  If she isn't working then her income ability should be imputed so the financial difference between you and your ex isn't as unfair.  These days courts are more inclined to expect the non-working parent to find a job rather than live off CS.  CS is to support the children, well, at least more so than in decades past.

I'm afraid I will not be able to afford to see my kids anymore because of this new development.

You shouldn't have to worry overmuch about court changing parenting time due to the financial issues.  Courts usually draw a bold line between parenting time and payment of child support, they're considered separate, non-related issues in most if not all states.  Of course, we're not lawyers here, we're peer support, but in most issues we've "been there, done that" and can often give you a general idea how things typically work out.

Due to living distant from the children, do you get more of the longer school holidays and summer vacation time to make up for the times you can't see them?  Often that is an accommodation made to the remote parent that can't work with alternate weekend schedules, alternate holidays and too-short 2 or 3 week summer vacations.

When I was unemployed i should have gone but i didn't.  I just kept telling myself that i didn't have money for attorneys (because i didn't and still don't) so i stayed away from the courts.   

One lawyer i consulted in feb/march of this year told me to just try to earn more money and keep her happy!  He said trying to modify cs would not help me and just would flag the back cs issues.   Illinois is one of the hardest states for a non-custodial parent to get divorced-income for CP's is not considered there.  It's a corrupt state; one of the worst.  They are known for really making it unreasonable for nc parents. As far as seeing the kids its more of a financial thing.  It costs me a couple of hundred bucks in gas and food to see them and make the trip.  I'll now have to put that toward cs for the court system.  I believe the courts are almost like BPD people themselves.   If they really cared about people why wouldn't they have social workers and psychologists working with divorced couples to help resolve issues.  I will have to pray that i make enough money in my new job to pay for two households.   I don't think cs should be a mortgage payment- kids definately don't need that- cs has become like alimony disguised as help for the kids.  I spend more money on food and cloths and other stuff then my ex did when i lived in the same state.  She feeds them macoroni and cheese and bread products but has money to buy alcohol.   It's such a mess- i just get sick when i talk or think about it.

You do well to stay, I couldn't. If Australia had those laws I'd be out of here in a second. There is better things to be doing in life than not having one. You only get one. Good luck.