under-age child vs. adult child with BPD

[wendalou]

at first mama guilt was quick.  recognize her BPD is not my fault.

then felt angry about her abusive behavior.  always been unable to stay angry for long.

next came sadness over having lost everyone i once held dear.  remain thankful for my introverted personality.

have been confused by the mixed messages from the rtc staff.  she's safe in their care now.

surprised myself.  would not have guessed i could hate my own child.  would not have guessed i'd ever join an online msg board.

wen dalou

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Turkish]

Hello wen dalou,



It's good that your daughter is safe in the RTC now. What do you mean by mixed messages? What do you think is going on?

Can you tell me more what you mean by the title of your post? Did she just turn 18? I hope to hear more and how we can support you.

Turkish

[wendalou]

My daughter is only 16.  So many talk about detaching with love  etc. however with a minor I do not have that option.  Anyone have ideas for staying attached with love while remaining intact yourself?  How many times can you hear a verbal tirade from her mouth before you start believing it?   My heart is crushed but my love for my daughter will never  fade.

[lbjnltx]

Hi wendalou,

It is so sad to read your post.  Having been through the same my heart aches for you.

Once I began to understand this disorder and figure out what my daughter was feeling and believing I could understand why she would feel and behave the way she did.  She was in a great deal of pain and there was no one who understood that.  When she realized I did understand and when I began to communicate in ways that let her know that our relationship got much better. 

After she went through RTC our relationship was completely restored and we are very close now.  She fully believes that I am her greatest supporter and that I love her so very much. 

What kind of help are you and she receiving from the RTC? 

lbjnltx