Mental Health Court - Any Experience?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Happy Holidays!  Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving.  Would love your input/advice/experience on Mental Health Courts.

Here's my story:  dated UxBPDbf for 8 months.  R/s ended late 2014.  He stalked and harassed me since then with upwards of 700 contacts via phone/text/email.  Thankfully, he was not violent.  I did not pursue a protective order (seemed right for me). 

At the end of Sept he got picked up for misdemeanor shoplifting and went to jail.  Called me once from jail where he left a message "begging for help even if RML hates his f*cking guts."  I ignored him as I have done since leaving the r/s almost a year ago. 

There was a probation hold on him in a different county (for not reporting) so he has been in jail in that county since late Sept.  He called on the automated line from jail through early Oct but could not leave a message. 

He had several hearings continued and at which he was not present.  He attended the last hearing in which his mother testified he is emotionally unstable.  The judge asked if he had applied to Mental Health Court.  His attorney said no but that they would do so immediately. 

The prosecutor was asking for 18 months for his prob violation.  His judge is a hard-ass so I thought he might do 6+.  I never wanted him incarcerated but being out of his reach has been heavenly for me and my kids. 

I feel conflicted about him being accepted by MHC (mental health court) and about him NOT being accepted. 

Jail:

1)  jail/prison means he cannot reach me which is nice for me and maybe gives him time to stop fixating on me (he hasn't called since early Oct)

2)  but jail/prison likely means little or no mental health treatment so he could come out with worse mental health, more defeated, more desperate

3)  he could spend time in jail/prison blaming me for his lock-up and come out more enraged at me.  Even though I have had nothing to do with any of these legal issues, he had repeatedly left messages that his life is a "f*cking disaster since RML (I) left."

MHC:

4)  MHC could give him the treatment he VERY much needs and deserves (as does everyone)

5)  MHC is a two year program so IF anything is going to help it is probably this

6)  MHC is likely outpatient so he could have access to me again within a month or two

7)  He is wicked smart and can talk circles around mental health providers/social workers so he may evade treatment.  I doubt their ability to even correctly diagnose him.

Jail/prison seems like short term gain (he can't reach me) / long term pain (he'll come out in worse shape). 

MHC seems like short term pain (he could reach me) / long term gain (the POSSIBILITY of him improving). 

Tho MHC seems to keep them on a very short leash, I am worried he'll run circles around any MH providers.

Any thoughts, ideas, experience with these two different routes?

Thanks!

RML

[ReclaimingMyLife]

Happy Holidays!  Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving.  Would love your input/advice/experience on Mental Health Courts.

Here's my story:  dated UxBPDbf for 8 months.  R/s ended late 2014.  He stalked and harassed me since then with upwards of 700 contacts via phone/text/email.  Thankfully, he was not violent.  I did not pursue a protective order (seemed right for me). 

At the end of Sept he got picked up for misdemeanor shoplifting and went to jail.  Called me once from jail where he left a message "begging for help even if RML hates his f*cking guts."  I ignored him as I have done since leaving the r/s almost a year ago. 

There was a probation hold on him in a different county (for not reporting) so he has been in jail in that county since late Sept.  He called on the automated line from jail through early Oct but could not leave a message. 

He had several hearings continued and at which he was not present.  He attended the last hearing in which his mother testified he is emotionally unstable.  The judge asked if he had applied to Mental Health Court.  His attorney said no but that they would do so immediately. 

The prosecutor was asking for 18 months for his prob violation.  His judge is a hard-ass so I thought he might do 6+.  I never wanted him incarcerated but being out of his reach has been heavenly for me and my kids. 

I feel conflicted about him being accepted by MHC (mental health court) and about him NOT being accepted. 

Jail:

1)  jail/prison means he cannot reach me which is nice for me and maybe gives him time to stop fixating on me (he hasn't called since early Oct)

2)  but jail/prison likely means little or no mental health treatment so he could come out with worse mental health, more defeated, more desperate

3)  he could spend time in jail/prison blaming me for his lock-up and come out more enraged at me.  Even though I have had nothing to do with any of these legal issues, he had repeatedly left messages that his life is a "f*cking disaster since RML (I) left."

MHC:

4)  MHC could give him the treatment he VERY much needs and deserves (as does everyone)

5)  MHC is a two year program so IF anything is going to help it is probably this

6)  MHC is likely outpatient so he could have access to me again within a month or two

7)  He is wicked smart and can talk circles around mental health providers/social workers so he may evade treatment.  I doubt their ability to even correctly diagnose him.

Jail/prison seems like short term gain (he can't reach me) / long term pain (he'll come out in worse shape). 

MHC seems like short term pain (he could reach me) / long term gain (the POSSIBILITY of him improving). 

Tho MHC seems to keep them on a very short leash, I am worried he'll run circles around any MH providers.

Any thoughts, ideas, experience with these two different routes?

Thanks!

RML

[livednlearned]

Hi ReclaimingMyLife,

Are you being asked to testify or make a decision? It sounds like the case is in the hands of MHC, and that the case will probably work its way through the court system?

Trying to understand.

[ReclaimingMyLife]

Hi LNL, you are always so good to respond.  Thank you.  No, I am not being asked to testify.  I have no official connection whatsoever.  I never met his family nor he mine.  I would expect that nobody knows of me.  

I am simply asking for thoughts or experience with MHC's.  I need to adjust my expectations to a potentially very different outcome.  I am grateful to have some time to adjust.

Just wondering what I might expect and if others have found the MHC experience effective or not.  

Thanks everyone!

[ForeverDad]

Since the relationship has Ended and you have (correctly) refused to respond to his contact attempts, then the reality is there is no expectation from the courts or MHC for you to be involved at all in his outcome.  Right?  Then while you can wish he gets the best outcome for him, you also need to protect yourself.

First, continue keeping your distance from him.

Continue not responding to any new contact attempts.  By your non-response he should already know you are not going to respond.  However, he may not let go, if the past pattern is to be acknowledged.  Here are a couple options for when he does try again.  (Sadly, you know he will.)

1.  If you think this may work... .Make a police report, providing the proof of his messages or calls.  Ask them to do a friendly visit informing him to cease contacting you.  An alternative is to have a lawyer send him a polite but firm "cease and desist" attempting to contact you.  The lawyer could include a comment that your lives have parted ways and you wish him well but also a warning that if he doesn't stop then you may turn to the courts for relief.

This step is good since it may resolve the problem without having to go to court.  However, if it doesn't work then you will have the proof to submit that you asked him not to contact you and he still persisted.

2.  If #1 doesn't work (or is not attempted)... .File a petition with the appropriate court for him to be ordered to leave you alone.  Some places call it a restraining order, others a protection order.  Probably have the court assist you in choosing the correct form, statements and evidence or documentation.  My local court had a combined stalking/harassment form.  Court officials can't give legal advice but they may have a victim's advocate there or you can turn to local DV resources or local lawyers.

Finally, do try to Let Go.  I know it's hard when he's both needing help and still contacting you, but it is for the best.  It's like watching a train wreck in slow motion, and you powerless to change that.  That is the reality.  Remember, BPD is a disorder most evident in close emotional relationships.  Whatever you might say to him won't help, he has too much emotional baggage from the ended relationship for him to really listen.  As you said, much of what he's attempting is just Blame-Shifting his problems onto you, not positive.  He's an adult, this will just have to be his responsibility where others will have to step in to handle things, not you.  As cold as it may sound, it is the professionals' job, they can do it without the emotional toll you would face.